Thursday, December 30, 2010

Christmas Crush

Well, I figured I would take advantage of our brief holiday respite (got home two days ago, in-laws land in a couple of hours) to squeeze a quick blog post in.

I have to say we had a decent vacation. There were some sad feelings about J not being around, but my family did a great job of making it all seem not so bad. They helped with B (I actually got to see a movie!) and I got lots of time to rest and recover. B got more toys than he could ever play with in an entire year and I got some really nice presents as well. Lots of books, flannel sheets, and some time at the spa. Perfect!

Now that we are back, I realized with a great sense of dread...we are 8 weeks to baby. I had been using Christmas as a buffer, just saying, oh, I'll get to that after Christmas. Well, it's after Christmas and we are WAY behind where we were with B. I think that last time, we were just about done by now. This time, I haven't even started yet. Now, don't get me wrong, there isn't a bunch that we have to get. A double stroller, another car seat, and a dresser are all that come to mind (two boys in a row = money saver), but there is a bunch that has to be done. Clothes washed, massive reorganizations, and just mental preparations. Last time, I had a birth plan and doula all sorted out by now. Not this time. There's time, of course, but not much. I have to get my behindy in gear.

But there's more to it that just all the prep work, there's the fact that my little boy needs to get ready for the big shift. As an oldest of four, everything is totally different once the next one comes home. There is a shift to not being the sole spot in Mommy's eye. I'm not sure B is ready for that. Since it is just me and him right now, he gets my attention full time. He and I are a team, we are surviving this deployment together and now I feel like I am going to ruin that in some ways for him. I know I need to get extra cuddle, play, and love time in with him, because no matter what, it will never be like this again. And, in some ways, I don't want to lose that great connection that we have, which we may not, but still, I am a little worried. But, how do you explain to a 19 month old to prepare himself?

Oh well, questions for another day I guess. I have to get ready for the in-laws so I can put this off for a little longer, right?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Captain Itchy Pants

I hate to type these words, but I’m starting to feel a little itchy. It isn’t terrible yet, but it’s there. And after what happened last time, I am SUPER sensitive to itching.

During my last pregnancy, I developed a very uncommon complication, cholestasis, that more or less means that my liver stops functioning in the proper manner. It doesn’t clear bile, which then builds up under the skin and causes severe itchiness (like so bad you can’t sleep for days) and can cause major issues for baby (including stillbirth). So, any indications of itching set me on alert.

Thankfully, my Dr. caught it early last time and my midwife is on alert for it this time. I know the meds I am supposed to take, I know the tricks to help me sleep. But, I am just not looking forward to going through this again. Last time, I was so sleep deprived I felt like a crazy person. Literally, I was afraid I was going insane after not sleeping for three days. I was afraid to drive, I was totally cooped up in the house by myself with the dog (J was in RI), it was horrible.

I can’t be like that this time. I have to take care of B and five pets and manage a house while J is on deployment. I simply don’t have the luxury to go crazy this time. So, I am heading into the OB tomorrow for my first itching visit. I am going to start the meds immediately and hopefully be able to take something to help me sleep somewhat regularly. But, at the same time, I am steeling myself for the possibility that I am just going to have to put on my big girl panties and gut through the next 10 weeks. Anybody can do anything for ten weeks, right?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Emerging from the mist of Illness

Today, I can safely say that B and I have survived his first serious health issue without Dad around. On Monday, the nanny called that B had a 104 degree fever that wasn’t going down at all with Tylenol. So, we headed into the Dr office expecting to get a diagnoses of virus and came out with a chest xray, numerous medications and a pneumonia riddled little boy. B was very sick. His little boy was so hot, I could feel the heat radiating through his clothing. He didn’t want to do anything but be held. Upon sight, I could tell that something was wrong with my little boy. Needless to say, I was very, very worried.

We had a couple of sleepless nights and challenging days, but I think that B is starting come out the other side of the illness. He still hasn’t regained his appetite (even chicken nuggets and tater tots didn’t tempt him), but no fever for almost 12 hours and an increased energy level is a big win in my book.

I learned a couple of things in the experience. One, not being the TRICARE person makes it really hard to get registered at the hospital (where he had his x-rays done) and to fill prescriptions. I had to explain that he was under my husband’s TRICARE, that he was on deployment, and that I knew his social security number numerous times. I totally understand why this is challenging to the medical community, most people have insurance cards and the like, but it was very frustrating to keep battling to get my boy what he needed. Two, being single parent to a really sick kid is VERY hard. During the first two days, B wanted nothing but to be snuggled with on the couch. I could not be out of arms reach. This made simple things like going to the bathroom near impossible. Also, giving an 18 month old nasty tasting medicine was a straight up battle. Long story short, it involved a headlock, very angry baby and very frazzled mommy. Third, it’s really hard to be the dad who has to hear his child is so sick and there is nothing that he can do. I felt so bad for J. He was so worried and frustrated that he couldn’t be there. He called and emailed constantly wanting updates. You could hear in his voice that he wanted to be able to help.

It was a couple of tough days, but we made it. I have to applaud every single parent out there who does this all the time and all the other military parents who have even worse issues that they have to deal with on their own. You miss your partner every single day they are gone, but on days like these you realize how much you rely on them and how much a part of your life that they are.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Vacation Recovery

After a 1.5 week vacation, B and I are back at home and getting into the swing of the holidays. We really enjoyed our time off, B learned to say "No" (oh the joys), I was able to spend some time on my own, and we jointly commiserated on the missing of J (probably me more than him). We made a quick trip down to Disney World to visit my grandparents and aunts, and then headed back up to NC to spend the actual holiday and a couple of extra days with my parents and family. It was busy, but very nice. Just having help with B is always welcome, as my mobility level continues to decline, anytime I don't have to bathe or dress him is a win.

Once we came home to three very unhappy kitties, we got right back into the business of daily life. Bedtime was back in effect and rules about table manners and eating selections were once again enforced. We also got the inside of the house decorated (outside has to wait until the weekend when my parents come to visit). We have our tree up (somewhat of a challenge) and if all the ornaments make it to the New Year, I will be shocked. There has been a 3 foot invisible fence enforced for B and the pups, but our little jungle kitties LOVE to spend time playing under the tree. I know that it's only a matter of time, sigh.

We are hosting a work get together here in a few days with lots of little children attending, which should be a lot of fun for B. This will be his first time having other kiddies on his home turf. Then, we have Christmas pictures and appointments galore coming up in the next couple of weeks. And, then, in just a few short weeks, we will once again be on vacation for the Christmas holiday.

As you can see, I am filling up as much time as I can to make sure we don't sit around and mope for what is missing. I have to admit Thanksgiving was tough. Not only that J wasn't there, but also that my Grandmother was missing as well. There just seems to be a damper this year and I can't quit seem to shake it. However, this is B's first real Christmas and his last as an only child, so I feel it's important to make a good one. So, I'll just have to pull up my Big Girl panties and shake out of this funk and into the Christmas spirit!

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Wonders of a 96

I am back at work today after enjoying the ever elusive 96 hour liberty. 72 hours, pretty common, but 96 (4 whole days of no leave required time off) is pretty rare. Now, I know the reason we got it is because we worked like dogs for 10 days straight, but still, it felt a little like stealing. It was glorious!

I really enjoyed spending the time with B. Since I had been working so much, I felt like he was not getting enough parenting time and was having some serious mommy guilt. No more! 4 solid days of Mommy and Me time has left me completely exhausted, but in a really good way. Now, I spend every night and weekend with him, so it's not like I don't spend time with my child, but 4 straight days all by myself is something I haven't done in a while.

B has really changed a lot lately and I didn't really notice until this time off. He plays with his toys a lot more. Before, he would thrown them or chew on them, but now he actually plays in a "normal" way. He stacks blocks, pushes his cars, sends the cars through the car wash toy, bounces balls. Now, he still has his Godzilla moments where all must be crushed and destroyed, but I really saw a change in the way that he spends his time. I also noticed that B has a solid understanding of the processes at our house. He knows and likes to help unload the dishwasher, he helps feed the dogs, he understands that keys go into door knobs. It was interesting to see just how much he caught on to how things work just by watching. On a more concerning point, my son doesn't talk. He says a lot, but none of it is words. He says Ball as Ba, Dog is Do, Shoes are Sh. At 18 months, I really expected that he would be saying atleast a couple of things. We have Dr. visit this week, so I intend on bringing this up when we head in.

I really appreciated the time that I got with him. I got to see him in a way that my busy life hadn't allowed me to lately. I was super proud of what a helpful boy he is turning into. It also made me really sad for J. If I was missing this much just by being busy at work for a couple of weeks, what was the 9 months missed going to be to him. We received our first DVD of J reading to B last week and we have watched it over and over, but I can tell that B is quickly losing his memory of his father, which is absolutely heart breaking. But, through pictures and videos we are trying to keep him as up to date as possible.

Now, as we hurdle into the holiday season, I know that I will be spending a lot of time with B and I want to make sure to not only cherish every moment with my only boy (very, very soon to change - I feel totally unprepared), but to get as much of it captured as possible for my wonderful hubs.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Exercise Time!

The week of insanity has begun! So, at work, for the next 10 days, we are conducting a huge exercise. A massive, coast to coast exercise. And, for me, that means working an insane amount for the next ten days. It's shaping up to be something like 120+ hours in ten days. 12 hour shifts (that are really more like 14), only 1 break day, it's gonna be tough for a couple of different reasons.

One, B. With J sailing the high seas, the nanny and my loving family are really stepping up. I am super, super lucky that I have these options (even if we certainly pay for them). Our nanny is nothing short of a saint, she is flexible and willing to help out when I need it. And, thankfully, my father will be coming up to watch B over the weekend. While I am confident that B will be well cared for while I am toiling away, I sure am going to miss him. I will be leaving in the morning before he gets up and getting home after he goes to sleep. It's really tough to be the only parent and then to not be available. Mommy guilt, much?

Two, pregnancy. I have mentioned already that I have not really had the resurgence of energy that I experienced in the second trimester of my first pregnancy. This time, I feel beat down pretty much all the time. I feel like I drag through my days and have zero energy by the time that I get home from a normal work day, so the prospect of these long days just isn't appealing. Plus, there is the simple fact that there is a lot of planning that goes into working that long and with pregnancy that is double. I'm not going to lie, I eat a lot when pregnant (and not pregnant), so I need to have enough food to sustain me for that period when I come in in the morning.

Three, that's just a lot of work! No matter how you slice it, that's a lot of work. And, it's not easy work, it is challenging, brain bending work. You have to be able to think on your feet and react to what happens in a super short period of time. And, being a LT in a room full of CDRs and CAPTs, there is some pressure to not be a dummy (even though they a lot of times sound like dummies).

So, I have to admit, I am a little bit stressed out. I have tried my hardest to prep the house (BTW we have painters there this week) and make sure that B is prepped. He has food, diapers, clean clothes, all the stuff he needs to make it a week without mom. I slept as much as I could over the weekend to get myself physically rested. Even still, I can't shake that feeling that this week is going to be hell.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

2 months down, 6 to go!

We have survived 2 months! It's a super bummer that we still have over 6 to go, but still, one step at a time.

B and I (mostly I) have adopted the fill the time with as much stuff as possible, so it doesn't seem to go so slow. We have undertaken a new home improvement project (painting several rooms), visited with friends, taken trips, and hit up museums. All of these things have done a great job of filling our idle time so it doesn't feel so empty. I can't think of a weekend over the past two months where we didn't have something going on.

But, here's the rub, I am exhausted! This pregnancy has wiped me out far, far more than the first one. I remember when pregnant with B, around 14 weeks I had a huge surge in energy. Not so this time. I have struggled to make it through the day almost every single day. I keep hoping that my energy will return, but so far, no luck.

So, I know that I need to slow down and take a few days to recover, but I don't want to. I don't want to stop and have to think about all that we are missing. I don't want to think about how sad it is that B doesn't get to see his Daddy and I don't get to have my great hubs around with me. So, what's a girl to do? Slow down and remember just how darn sad we are or run, run, run and be super tired? Hopefully there will be some balance that emerges, heck, we have 6 more months to figure it out.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

You've Got Mail

As we creep by two months of deployment, I have noticed myself slipping into a bad habit...the email waiting game. I find myself gettin frustrated with the hubs when he doesn't meet my expectations of how often is often enough.

I feel that I take the time everyday to write an email about what is happening around the house, with NB, with B and the pets and that the same from him isn't asking that much (it's not, really). But, J isn't on the same timeline, in fact, he isn't even close. He routinely goes 2 to 3 days without an email home, which frustrates me to no end. I know that he is working his tail off, I know that he is lonely and doesn't want to send the same emails again and again.

BUT, what about me? I can't really say how frustrated I am because I know the situation that he is in and making him feel worse won't accomplish anything, so I sit and stew and check my email a hundred times a day. I feel like I am really trying to stay connected to him, but he isn't giving the same courtesy to us. And then, in my crazy head, it spirals into him not missing us. As you can see, this train goes downhill fast.

I know J misses us and I know that he loves us. I know these things without doubt, but given the empty space of no emails, well, you know what they say about idle hands. I think what frustrates me most of all, is that I have to keep all this frustration and worry all pent up inside me because it isn't fair to unload my crazy on J. He's got plenty of that going on without me.

So what to do? I can keep checking my email like a crazy person (I just did again, I can't be stopped), but I know that I can't write a nasty gram (yet - 5 days, my story will change). Holding down the fort just got a whole lot harder.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Vacationing with the In-Laws

Since B's arrival, we have been spending a great deal more time with J's family. Before B, we would visit once a year for a couple of days, maybe twice, and that's all the face to face interaction that we would have with the in-laws. After B, we see them about every 2 months for at least 4 or 5 days each visit. They visit us, we visit them, it hasn't been so bad.

We took a vacation with them last week and it became so bad. I am not going to go through a laundry list of all the things that went wrong and I fully admit that my pregnant and hot state played a large part in my frustration, but I can promise you this, I will not take on a vacation with my in-laws without J again. I don't care what happens, I won't do it. I'm not even sure I would vacation with them with J present. (BTW, when I related what happened to J, he was giddy that this meant he wouldn't have to vacation with them.

I think the biggest difference between this time and all the previous times is that when J was present, I could escape. I wasn't soley responsible (whether real or imagined) for their entertainment. I purposely schedule hair cuts, lunches with friends, or a date night with J when they visit us. When we visit them, we visit with J's friends or take trips out in town. No escape this time. It was all in-law, all the time.

Let me say, my in-laws are very nice people. They aren't mean to me, they don't question my parenting, they love our son. In fact, under most circumstances, I would say that I am very lucky to have the in-laws that I do. They don't interfere in our lives in the slightest and are always very supportive of us. The problem with this situation is that we are just VERY different people. We don't really like the same things, we have very different schedules, and sometimes clashing personalities. So, it makes it challenging.

So, unfortunately, the 4 day vacation that was supposed to be relaxing and fun, ended up being stressful and grating. For both me and the in-laws. And now I need another vacation (which from afar, J has already promised, let's see if that promise holds true)!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Prior Planning Prevents...wait, what?

As I close in on my halfway point of this pregnancy (just 3 weeks to go), I started thinking about all the things that I need to get ready for. Another baby means a lot more planning. It doesn't feel like double, it feels like exponential. B and I have settled into a sort of truce. He does the things that I want him too and I give him the time he needs to run it out. However, this truce will be unsettled when there is another being in the equation that needs as much time as he does (probably sometimes more).

There are somethings I am totally dreading. As it stands right now, I can generally make dinner, go to the bathroom, and take a shower with my little helper. Sure sometimes this means having the child in the shower with me (creepy, I know, but sometimes I just can't wait until naptime) or that B pulls every single pot and pan we own out of the lower cabinents (installing child locks has defeated me, it's a man job and my man is too far away), but we do okay. Now, not only will I have this madness, I will have a whole new addition of madness injected into my daily routines.

Don't get me wrong, we are super excited about NB (new baby, November Bravo, a little Navy humor) and absolutely cannot wait for the craziness that will ensue. But, I feel a little more cautious this time. Perhaps it is experience, after only 16 months, I have learned parenthood is hard, all day, every day, it's a big shift. Perhaps it is just exhaustion, the boy literally runs from morning until night, add in pregnancy and you get one tired mommy. Or perhaps it's just nerves, like I said, B and I have our truce, we get along great, we enjoy our days and I really don't want anything to change that. How do I find the time for two little bodies when the one I have takes up some much of it?

Whatever it is, I'll admit it. I'm concerned and just the tiny bit scared. We are going to have to make it through the first two months of NB's life on our own. J won't be back in time for the birth. So however we work it out, it'll just be mommy and two little ones. To say I am feeling outmatched would be a serious understatement. But, we'll do it. J was only around for the first couple of days of B's life before he had to fly back to RI and me and B made it through that. So we can do this, it just means that Mom has to be on her game and prepared at all times. Too bad I'm just so tired....

Friday, October 1, 2010

Water Logged

Man, it rained here like it has never rained before. We basically just had 3 days of solid rain. There were times that it sounded like someone had turned a hose on top of the house. It was like that scene from Forest Gump in the jungle, the rain came every style and direction and it just kept coming.

Thankfully, the house fared fine. No trees down, no leaks inside the house, we can't complain. However, the backyard may never be the same again. The dogs almost had to swim to get out to go to the bathroom, there was a solid inch of standing water back there. The worst part of this was that they brought as much as possible back in with them and then shook it all over the house. Miserable, just miserable. For the past couple of mornings, as soon as I would let them in, I would be coated in water, a great way to start the day!

Even B seems a little beaten down by the weather. He and the nanny haven't been making their usual trips to the library and the park this week. He has an interesting mix of extra energy and sleepiness. The rain noises appear to be so soothing that all he wants to do is rest, but then he will have an incredible burst of silliness that makes him run around like crazy.

There is supposed to be a little break in the weather for the next couple of days. And it is finally supposed to cool off! Hooray, no more 80 degree days. I am ready for a little fall weather (but sunny)!

Friday, September 24, 2010

My head banging boy

B has been struggling with night time sleep. For the past couple of nights, I have put him down, like always at 7 pm, following a bath and storytime. Usually, the boy fussed around for a few minutes and then quickly drifts off. No so, lately. He has been sitting in bed fussing, whining, kicking, and head banging until 8:30 or later. Last night, he was banging his head so loudly that I thought some one was outside the house hammering.

I have tried to take a very hands off approach to this new development. Unless the crying/kicking/whining is constant and uncontrolled, I leave him alone in bed. But this head banging just sends me over the edge. It is so loud and sounds so painful that I can't help but go up and grab him for a few minutes until he calms down. I know that this could encourage him to bang his head more to get me to come upstairs, but I just can't help it.

I know that head banging is very normal behavior for sleepy kids, but, man, does it sound bad. In fact, in my research (webMD, I heart you), something 20% of kids do and boys are way more likely to do it than girls. And while it could be a sign of a more serious problem, I really don't think that is the case. I think B is struggling to settle into not seeing his dad (we are officially at the longest point ever with a long way to go), a mom who is too tired to pay him the attention that he deserves, and what appears to be a nasty mix of teething and a growth spurt. This is the point at which J would say that I am projecting my own feeling on him, but I really think that B has noticed the difference in our house and sleep has become a challenge for him. I am hopeful that this will be a short phase, but who knows, it could be until he is 3.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Two Sparkling Navy Gems

Just a brief rant about to miserable things associated with being a lady in the Navy. Urinalysis and the maternity uniform.

First, urinalysis. While this process is absolutely necessary, this is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to your day. There is no more embarrassing feeling that getting that dreaded email. You have to wander over to the "collection center," get your parts and head into the bathroom. While in there, some one stares directly at your unmentionable region and watches you go to the bathroom. Going to the bathroom in itself is a challenge. For dudes, totally easy, aim. For ladies, not so much, it's always a wild guess whether you are going to pee on your hand or not. Then you have to try and dress yourself with a possibly peed on hand. Finally, to really take the cake, you have to walk back to the cental collection point with a bottle full of pee for everyone to see. Are you hydrated? Hey, don't worry, everyone will know! Ugh, it's miserable, embarrassing and downright gross. Again, I understand why the process is important and I agree that it needs to be done. But, I still get bummed out when I come up due to take the whiz quiz.

Second, maternity uniforms. Let's not fool anyone, regular women's uniforms are ugly. Butt ugly. Just terrible. I mean they are the single least flattering piece of clothing I own. I'm not looking for something to really show myself off, but I would atleast like something that fits properly and doesn't highlight every flaw I have. Maternity uniforms take the ugliness to a whole new level. Truly hideous. It's a brown tent. It is like the udly maternity clothes of the 1970's. And, to make matters worse, they are made of the single most uncomfortable, itchy material on the planet. Because no pregnant woman doesn't feel uncomfortable already. AND they are expensive. I have literally been squeezing myself into my regular uniform for the past couple of weeks to avoid wearing that thing. I'm making the switch next week and am none to thrilled about it (little known fact to Diana, you get bigger way faster the second time around).

Anyway, just a quick rant about the constant joys of being a female military officer. To recap: you have to pee in front of people in a teeny tiny cup and you have to wear ugly clothes. Back to what promises to be a fulfilling Navy day!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fall TV Time

Well, I'll be honest. I love watching TV. Sometimes, at the end of a long day, all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. I know that it isn't the best way to spend my time, but I just love it. I read every night, I work out, I play with my son (he doesn't watch TV), so I justify to myself that watching TV is okay once everything for the day is done and B is in bed.

I like a variety of different types of shows. Comedy, drama, reality, network or cable I pretty much watch them all. Thursday night is probably the best night of all, but Wednesday is making a run at it this year as well.

The past couple of weeks I have really been struggling with finding things to watch, so I am pretty thrilled that all the new Fall shows start next week. In fact, I even wrote on my calender what shows come on what night so I can be sure that I don't miss any of the shows, new or old, that I want to see. (I doubt I would be this obsessive if J were around, but there's not much else going on).

See, here's the thing. This is only the second year since I graduated from college that I can reasonably anticipate that I can watch the whole season when it actually airs. Normally, I would always be underway for some portion of the season and would have to live viraciously through the reviews that you can read on the internet (which really doesn't amount to much). And, I know that I probably only have one more year before I head back to sea and once again go to a crazy underway schedule. So, I have to get it in while I can.

I know this all sounds a little silly, I mean it is after all just TV, but filling the empty time is the number one goal of deployment, so TV is a pretty good time filler.

So, here's my starting list. I know that it will shift around, but right now, this is the starting point.

Musts: Modern Family (funniest show on TV, hands down)
30 Rock
The Office
Grey's Anatomy
Big Bang Theory
How I Met Your Mother
Amazing Race

New Tries:
Mike and Molly
The Middle (I caught some re-runs this summer, looks pretty good)
My Generation
Running Wilde

Mehs (I'll give them a shot, but I'm not committed)
The Event
No Ordinary Family

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Big News!

Well, as I eluded to yesterday. We have some big news on the horizon. In March (or earlier) of 2011, we will be welcoming Baby Betz # 2 into the family. I am very excited, but also a little sad, as Jeff will still be gone on deployment and there isn't any hope that he will be home for it. I know that I can do labor alone, J wasn't really that much of a help (he did hold the barf bucket a couple of times), but I am dreading the end of pregnancy part.

As I had a challenging pregnancy last time, I am a little concerned at how difficult this will be to do with a very feisty one year old on my hands. I know that I can handle anything and that, ultimately, all will be fine, but I would be lying if I didn't admit I was a little nervous that my itchiness would drive me crazy and that B would suffer as a result. Now that I know what to expect, I am in a little better position to handle it, but the lack of sleep would do anyone in.

I know that I am not the first Navy wife to do this and I won't be the last, so this to shall pass. I am a little bit excited about what it is going to be like for J to walk of the ship first as one of the new dads.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

262 Day Countdown

Well my bloggy friends, it's been a crazy couple of weeks since I was last on here.

Two Fridays ago, B and I headed down the pier and said our final goodbyes to J. We had a crazy couple of days leading up to that trying to get all the final touches completed and squeeze in as much family time as we could. It was very, very sad. I have to admit that I got misty and was a little at a loss of what to do once we got home. It felt like there was this giant hole missing in the house. No matter where we looked, something reminded us of what wasn't there anymore. The comic book boxes in the corner, running shoes by the door, just everything seemed so empty. Even our pets knew something was up and were a little bit down all weekend.

So, to drag ourselves out of the dulldrums, B and I hopped on a plane to Orlando, FL to take a trip to Disney (had originally been planned as a family trip). We met my parents there and took 5 days to relax and escape our sadness. We had a great trip, B had a blast and it was nice to spend time with just my parents.

Then on Sunday, we began our journey back. When we got back to the house, the same gapping hole was still there. B and I did all of our errands and got home to just relax before I had to head back to work today. While I said downstairs watching TV last night, I looked at a calender and realized the significant amount of time that was streched out in front of me. I resolved that B and I weren't going to mope (much) and plan some fun adventures to fill our time. First up, a trip to the comic book store and the zoo this weekend and getting our fall flowers planted this weekend.

Plus, we have an interesting development which I should know more about tomorrow...more on that later!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Water Baby!

We have a little water baby! My boy loves, loves, loves to play in water. This extends to all pools of water, great or small (even the dog bowl). The child is plain drawn to water.

I mention this because we went to the water park for the second time yesterday this summer and I have never seen my little boy more excited. He laughed and played and had a blast. Even times when I thought he would get a little scared, he seemed to have fun. We jumped waves in the wave pool, floated down the lazy river, and played in the kiddie areas. (Side note: alot of children who should wear swim diapers weren't! Just pay the extra money, no one wants to get out because someone pooped.)

In some ways, I am not suprised by this development. My son always loved to take baths. From the day his umbilical cord fell off, that kid was in the bathtub. I know that babies don't need baths everyday, but B took them because he seemed to enjoy splashing and kicking in the water so much.

This day at the water park was especially important as it was our only day of "vacation" before J departs on Friday. The memories that we made yesterday will have to fill the 8 long months of separation. There were many times where I caught J watching B playing looking a little misty.

We had a total blast and one worn out baby to prove it!

Monday, August 16, 2010

No Good Luck Navy Day

Ugh. It happened. J will be deploying a month early. He'll be gone for 8 very long months in less than two weeks. I know that he is leaving to do good things, but it still doesn't hurt any less.

He hasn't been able to take any vacation and they work weekends. In fact, he is only getting 3 days off. He is super stressed out and hasn't been able to relax at all at home with the phone ringing constantly from work.

There is so much to be done. Both real life and emotionally. We need to finish up some paper work and some stuff around the house. But, the emotional aspect of it has been eluding us both. I feel like we are both in denial. Like we can't process that this is actually happening. We have tried to talk about it, but it just makes us both so upset that we shut down.

I worry most of all about B. J and B haven't spent that much time together. J and I were living on opposite ends of the country for the first 6 months. Then he had a couple of months at home and then he reported to the ship. So, B hasn't spent that much time around him. I am very worried that B won't remember his father when he comes back. He'll be nearly two years old on his return, but will have spent less than half his life with his dad. I just don't want to see the crushed look on J's face when B has no idea who he is. We have been making videos for B to watch and recording stories, but there is so much more that just can't be captured.

Now, I know in the long run, this will all be fine. B and J will fall back into things as soon as he returns, but the thought of how long away that is is crushing. I just can't even comprehend how these next couple of months will unfold. More on that later.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Not a Great Navy Day

It appears that J's schedule is changing significantly. He may be leaving a whole month earlier (as in a couple of weeks from now) for deployment. It means vacation is off (I'm going to go with my parents instead, it's all paid for), it means that we have no time to spend together (he is currently underway and will only pull in for a few days before leaving). And it means that he is away from home that much longer (they of course won't come home early).

I have to admit, I am super, super bummed out. I have honestly had a tough time keeping it together at work today. I can't help but feeling like we are getting cheated. Generally, there is a stand down period before deployment. However, emergent tasking is over taking that time. We get a couple of days to cram in what we thought we had a month for.

Thankfully, we are well ahead of schedule. We have nearly everything taken care of. The information is all changed, insurance covered, purchases made. But, that time is something that will be sorely missed. And as an officer, I can't help but worry about all the young enlisted that aren't going to be prepared. Those kids who don't know what they need to do to prepare their families. Short notice things like this often don't consider what that means for the 18, 19, 20 years olds that are going through this for their first time.

I know that this is something that we signed up for. It's something that every Navy family will have to deal with during a career. But that logic doesn't make the hurt be any less. Back to being bummed.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Life Pause

Oh my long neglected blog. I have to admit that between work, a 1 year old, and some new developments, blogging hasn't been at the forefront over the past few weeks. Ah well, back on the horse.

Work has just been crazy. The other LT that I work with was pulled to be a Flag Aide (poor guy), so I am now taking on some huge programs that are just plain HARD. I feel like I am in a battle from the second that I walk in the office until I leave. There is just so much to do. I could easily stay 12 hours a day and not keep up, but I know that I need to go home. I am struggling to find a way to stay above water and still have some semblance of home life.

Things have been breezing along at our house. We have been undergoing some major home repairs. Owning a home really isn't fun. We found out that we have some significant rot in our back wall and have to do some major replacements. No fun. J is especially not happy because we just spent a bunch of money on the A/C a couple of months ago and now we are spending another bunch of money on the back of the house. It's very frustrating to have to take on this much maintenance on something that we have only owned for 8 months.

B is changing more and more into a little boy. He is running, jumping, and climbing all over the house. There is not more quiet play. He has learned how to throw a ball for the dogs and spends a great deal of time riling them up and causing general destruction around the house. He is a little tornado. Anytime the child is awake he is on the move! And, generally, everything in his path must be moved, broken, or just disheveled. He is clearly a little boy.

We are also in our 1 month countdown to deployment. Pretty soon, J will be sailing the high seas for 8 long, long months. I have to admit that I am pretty nervous about this. Some pretty big stuff is going to happen while he is gone and I am just not sure if I can do it alone. I know that I have to, but, still, I can't help but feel apprehensive. We have our pre-deployment vacation coming up in a few weeks and I am feeling the pressure to make enough memories to last us 8 months!

So, just a quick update here, but I promise that I will not neglect my blogging duties much longer.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Molars. Sickness. Diana's Breaking Point.

Well these past couple of days have been a doozy. Just unbelievably challenging. B was sick, I was sick, B was teething. It kind of felt like the stars were aligning against us to see just how much we could handle before we cracked (which occurred!).

It all started with B having a running nose and a little fever. He was super, super fussy and just a little pill. I thought he had some kind of cold and would get over it soon. Then I looked in his mouth and saw two ginormous teeth peeking out of his lower jaw. Molars. The dreaded molars. So that was Friday.

Saturday. B continues to fuss non-stop. There was a period of time where he just walked around crying. Nothing could console him. Teething tablets, oragel, tylenol. No dice. Then, I started feeling crummy. Nothing in particular felt bad, just a general icky feeling. B slept terrible that night and so did I. I was having trouble breathing through my nose and my throat hurt.

Sunday. Begin the bad days. This day can only be described as one snotty, tearfilled mess. I was sick, B was sick, the teeth hurt. Both B and I spent the majority of the day sleeping. I would sleep while he slept and cat napped on the couch while he played in the living room.

Monday. Rock bottom. I get up and head to work. Work takes one look at me and sends me home. People actually told me I looked terrible. To my face. I get home. B is starting to get over the sickness, but the teeth are kicking into high gear. We have more periods of wandering crying. He can't sleep. Which means I can't sleep. This is the day I break. I finally give up and take B into the shower with me. I was so achy that all I wanted to do was sit in warm water and feel sorry for myself. So, we throw on our bathing suits and we sit in the shower for 30 minutes. He plays with toys, cries, plays more. I wish for sleep.

Tuesday. Upturn begins. Return to work to be sent home again. B is completely over the sickness, but teeth are still bothering him. We have more luck with naptime, we watch a movie together. Overall, a much better day. I still slept alot, but didn't feel nearly as bad.

So, here we are on the other side. J called last night and told me I sounded sick (thanks for the update!). I told him that we survived, but just barely. This is the toughest time that I have had with children so far. I know that I should count myself lucky that we have made it this far with so few problems. But, being sick, with no help, with a sick kid is no fun. There was a couple of hours where I truly felt like a failure as a parent. I couldn't console my child, I couldn't even drag myself off the couch. Ah well, we made it through. Can't wait until J gets home to get out of the house ALONE! Maybe I'll take a nap.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Hug!

Sometimes when J is out to sea and it is just me and B and the pets, I get a little bit down in the dumps and feel super overwhelmed. Well, this has been the case this week, but then B did something that just completely lifted my spirits. He gave me a hug. An actual hug. He put his arms around my neck, put his face against my shoulder and squeezed. I about melted to the floor.

J has been gone for a couple of weeks now and we still have a couple of weeks to go. It's been tough, I have been totally slammed at work with what has been widely refered to as "the impossible task." It has been taking a bunch of time and mind power so when I make it home, I am a little bit drained. Then, I have to walk the dogs, make dinner, and the various other nightly tasks associated with being an only parent. By the time B hits the crib at 7, I am thoroughly exhausted.

So, this hug came at just the right time. It made me think about all the little developments that B makes everyday that I sometimes overlook or take for granted. He truly is a great kid and I am thankful that he is as agreeable that he is. He makes the time that J is gone a little bit more bearable.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Home Wars

J and I knew when we bought our current house (our first) that there would be repairs and upgrades that we wanted to take on. Now, with neither of us being handy, this would mean that we would have to hire someone to provide these services. Well, we have already had to replace the A/C (as previously blogged about), but last night our back door started leaking pretty significantly.

The back door was a known issue. The previous owner felt that he was handy (the final verdict is still out and it's not looking good) and replaced this. Poorly. So, we need someone to come in and do a total replacement of the door and surrounding wall (there is some significant damage to the dry wall from the construction and resulting water damage). There are also some areas on other walls that need some dry wall work. We know that we would like to do some changes in the kitchen (where this door is located) as well.

So, here is my predicament, do I take out a good sized loan and get a chunk of this work done or do I just fix the back door out of savings? J being the penny pincher that he is, wants to just do the door. I, however, would like to get some work done in the kitchen so we can actually enjoy the house that we live in before we move again (always hanging over our heads, we are hoping for 5 years). Now, J leaves for 8 months in September. I could just wait until he leaves and handle all this myself (which is what I will likely do), but I like to have his input on large purchases like this. No matter what, the back door has to be fixed. Home ownership stinks.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Small Treasures

We haven't seen much of J lately. Between underway time and an aggressive maintenance schedule, we have been lucky to get him home before B goes to bed at 7.

So, when he arrived home at 5 yesterday afternoon, both B and I were really excited. We all grabbed our swimsuits and headed to the pool (the 105 degree temperature outside made this an easy decision). B loves, loves, loves swimming. Loves it. We have a little inflatible turtle that he can sit and splash around, but he also loves to be held by mommy or daddy and "swim." There's a lot of kicking and splashing, but he doesn't really get anywhere. We even dunking a couple of times and he didn't seem too upset. I always worry with all the splashing he is going to get an ear infection, but so far so good (famous last words!).

After 30 minutes of pool fun, we headed out to a quick dinner at Moe's (our favorite!) and then home for a little snuggle and play time. It's funny how things have changed in just the past couple of months. Before J reported to the ship and started being gone so often, we never would have treasured these extra hours as much as we did. It was like a small treasure that we had to cherish. We didn't do anything special or extraordinary, but it just seemed so wonderful.

Here's hoping that J will make it home early again today so we can do something else!

Thursday, June 24, 2010


Some days in the Navy are all about churn. Working really, really hard at something, but not getting anyway. Running in place. Today was one of those days.

I worked on binders all day. I made 7 binders for 7 different people. It started at 3 and then grew. I printed page after page. Ran down tabs/dividers. Little known Navy fact: dividers are hard to come by and therefore hoarded. I had to make deals and trades to get a hold of the elusive A-D tabs (there were tons of T-Z). People would just look at my desk and laugh. I was literally buried in paper.

Being at an LT at a 4 star staff is a lot like being an intern. Most of the time you don't know enough to be a valuable member of the team so you get the scut work, like binders. I have also had to make coffee, buy donuts, and various other menial tasks.

Anyway, back to the binders. I spent hours working on these darn things. I endured the multiple changes and printed new pages. I tracked down new toner cartridges (yes, I printed that much). I realized today that binders are the backbone of the Navy. An Admiral won't look at things not in a binder. If you want information to be promulgated, put it in a binder.

In light of the recent issues with military leadership, it's funny to sit inside a large staff and observe how much the leader affects the day to day of those that work for him. Some leaders like binders, others like powerpoints, others info papers. Their particular style gets reflected in many different ways other than their leadership persona. While there are days that I hate working on a large staff (mostly days where I make binders), I think it was an important learning opportunity for me. I have a much different view than I had before on how the Navy operates.

Thursday, June 17, 2010


While visiting my granparents this past week, my son received a new nickname....the Destroyer. At their house, my son pulled down, climbed on, drooled over every single thing he could get his grubby little mitts on. My grandparents are something of pack rats, so there was a lot of things that he could get into. There is a pile of magazines that sits next to my grandfather's chair (been there as long as I have been alive, I believe, with some of the same magazines) that B pulled over, every single day without fail. Multiple times a day.

At first, I was a little put off by this name. I thought, he's a baby, all babies do this. I thought, he's a boy, destruction is what boys do. I didn't want my son branded so soon as something less than perfect.

Then I played blocks with my son last night. At the age that stacking blocks and thoughtful play should begin (according to all those wonderful parenting books, of course), B was intent on destruction. I would stack the blocks, with glee and a growl, he would knock them down. I would put shaped blocks through the slots in the bucket, he would rip the lid off and dump them out. I don't know if other children do this, but B roars when he is happily playing. It's a dead throated AAAAAAHHHHHH.

I was ready to admit it, he's a destroyer. 100 percent. There's no denying it, in his mind, there is nothing more fun that junking things up, dumping things out, and knocking things over. But, he's happy. He quite happily goes through destroying everything in his path. He always has a smile on his face. I shouldn't complain, my child can keep him self entertained for a significant amount of time throwing things around. At least I know he has a promising future as a member of a demolition crew.

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Great Weight Debate

So, in the Navy, you have to complete a physical fitness test every 6 months. It's not too hard, run 1.5 miles, sit ups, and push ups. I have never had issues with any of these elements in the past. However, there is another requirement that has been dreaded ever since I had B, the weigh in. You have a certain weight requirement that you must be under and, if not, you are required to me a certain body fat percentage. Which, I have to say, is measured in the least glamorous way possible for females. You measure your waist, your hips, and your neck and do a complicated math formula to find the result (it's not really that complicated, but it's still math).

Needless to say, the weight that I gained have a baby has been looming over me (really behind me) for a while. You have 6 months to lose the weight, but I have to admit that I have really, really struggled getting everything off. I have always had a challenging time losing weight. Huge amounts of exercise are needed, I can't just watch what I eat and hope the weight will go away. But, I have another problem as well. I like to eat. It's a wonderful feeling to eat tasty things. I don't mind vegetables and salads and such, but there isn't anything better than a hamburger. However, these types of items are not helpful when trying to shed that last 10 pounds.

So for the past three months, I have really, really focused on exercising and dieting. I ran 25 + miles a week and really watched what I ate and drank. And, lo and behold, when I got on the scale this morning, I had done it. Not only had I lost all the baby weight, but also some extra (which I needed to lose anyway). One less thing to worry about.

Now the real challenge will be keeping it all off. I have found that I really, really enjoy running, so hopefully by keeping that up and moderating what I eat (I can promise you there will be some celebratory hamburgers), that maybe I can lose a little bit more before #2 decides to come along.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


Meal time is getting interesting. B eats people food all the time now. No baby food, no formula, all grown up, all the time. This has presented me with a new problem.

Since J rarely makes it home in time for dinner these days, I tend to just make something frozen for myself. Lean Cuisine is my savior. But, no more. I have to come up with something for him to eat that is healthy, well balanced and fresh. Thankfully, we have been cooking a lot on the weekends, so I have used these leftovers to feed B. It's nice to just have to heat some meat up, cook some frozen veggies, and cut up some fruit for him.

I have to say that I am lucky that B is such a good eater. There are very few things that he just won't eat. He loves fruits and vegetables. He eats pork and chicken very easily. Beef and spinach are the only things that he really hasn't taken to. Some of the things that he likes best are strange. He loves baked beans. He literally eats them like they are candy. It's hilarious. Another favorite is cucumbers. He especially likes cucumbers that have been soaked in vinegar and sugar with dill and onions.

I was immensely proud of him last night. He turned his nose up at macaroni and cheese and ate lima beans instead. Can't complain about that.

My other challenge is that I don't care for a lot of vegetables. I like the traditional ones, broccoli, corn, peas, but anything too outside of the box, spinach, eggplant, brussel sprouts, I won't eat. I don't want B to be limited because I don't like stuff, so I know at some point, I am going to have to suck it up and make that stuff. Ugh.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Winds...they are a changin'

There is no doubt that B is becoming more stubborn. There is a lot more whining, screaming, and throwing occurring at my house these days. Last night, the child cried in his bed for no less than 2 hours past his allotted bed time of 7pm. I went in and rocked him, soothed him, whatever I could think of. Anytime I entered the room, he was all smiles and squirming in my lap. It was clear that he was not upset, just wanted to play. Nay, nay. Post-7pm is mommy time.

This has been showing itself in other ways as well. Last night at dinner. B looked at me as he threw his food over the side to the dogs as if to say, "What now?" He also gets told no and does it again and again to see if it will stick. He always follows all of these naughty actions with a smile as if that will smooth things right over. Now, I am not too familiar with other babies, but B seems to push just that little bit farther (perhaps this is Mom vision). He gets so frustrated when he doesn't get his way. He kicks his legs, goes limp, generally, acts as impossible as he can.

I shouldn't be suprised that our child is showing such a subborn streak. Both his father and mother don't always handle it the best when they don't get their way. Somedays, I think there is not a passive bone in either of our bodies. We want what we want and we will usually do just about everything we can think of to get it. That has served us both well, we are successful and (I hope) happy with where we are in life and where we are headed.

This new shift has resulted in the continual locking of horns. I want him to stop, he wants to go. Time for bed, time for play. It goes on and on. The child knows how to get me irritated and he does it with pleasure. I don't mean to imply that he is bad (well, he kind of is), but more that he is testing us in a new way.

These new challanges have lead J and I to reassess the way we usually approach the world. We can no longer batter ram things like we used to. That old cliche of patience is beating us at every turn.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Post Navy Options

I went out with a good friend of mine this weekend and we had a lenghty discussion about being in the Navy. We talked about crappy it can be, but we also talked about our favorite things, the people, the challenges, and the ever changing landscape. Sometimes, I fear that when I get out, I will be absolutely miserable.

I really, truly enjoy being in the Navy. There are times that are so exhilirating, I don't think that I will ever be able to find a job that matches this in excitement and mental challenge. I know that I have often complained about my Office Space-like activities, but truthfully, I find what I do most day very exciting. For example, in the past few months, I have worked on projects related to the Gulf Oil Spill, Haiti, and the Nashville floods. We have also been in more tactical exercises that keep our warfighting skills fresh. And that has only been at this job. At my other jobs, I have shot missiles, driving ships, and gotten a Masters degree. I have the priviledge and challenge of undertaking a new job every 18 to 24 months and none of them have been dull.

The thought of getting out and going to work in an office terrifies me. I can't stand the idea of doing the same old thing for years and years. I know that getting out is what I want to do. I know that the challenges that my and J's jobs together present to our family are too great. I also know that the Navy is where J is meant to be. He without a doubt loves what he is doing and will continue to love it for the next 20 odd years. He is already half way to retirement as well (though I doubt he will retire at 20). I also know that there is no way that I can just stay home. I know that I would be climbing the walls, ready to tear my hair out in a matter of months, so I have to find something.

Thankfully, this decision is still year's away, but this conversation got me thinking even more about what my plan is once I get out. I have seriously considered several non-traditional post Navy jobs, like culinary school or working for an animal rescue organizations. But, I still have serious doubts that anything will be able to provide me with the same level of thrill that being an officer in the world's most powerful Navy has.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Living in the movie Office Space

I joined the Navy for a lot of reasons. They paid for my college, it was assured work, I would get to see the world. Most of the time, being in the Navy is a super exciting, thought provoking, never a dull moment job. But, there are times when the mind numbing tedium starts to get to me.

Now, I don't know if this occurs at all jobs, but sometimes, it seems that some folks at the Navy get really wrapped up in the packaging and not the product. I understand that the senior folks need a good, standard package so that they can process them quickly. I get that. I get that these people are busy and that we need to package a lot of information into a brief time. But, man alive, sometimes, it's just too much to take. For example, today I worked on a routing cover sheet. ALL DAY. Multiple revisions on the cover sheet. The inside of the package didn't get as much attention as the outside. It was the TPS report from Office Space.

Like I said, I understand the reasoning. That doesn't mean that I have to like it. I get so frustrated because if something on the inside is so important, why are we worried about the outside so much that it literally takes days to get it through the chain. Waiting in line outside various offices for indeterminate amounts of time, only to get sent back to the computer to make a couple of word changes drives me nuts.

I understand that staff work is different. We work on programs and instructions rather than driving ships. I know that the work we do is important and that we are affecting the fleet, but my gosh, somedays, it almost makes me miss being at sea. (Wait, did I really just say that?)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Birthday Week

We have survived our first REAL illness. Sure B has been sick in the past, but nothing like this. He woke Thursday (his birthday, poor buddy) with a 103 degree temperature. I took the day off and took him to the Doctor. He had a monster virus, sore throat, the runs, generally, he just was an unhappy baby. We got his fever to break on late Thursday night, but he still wasn't feeling good all the way to Sunday.

We also transitioned him to milk this weekend. I was kind of dreading this because B has been very fincky about drinks lately. He doesn't want bottles, but he also hasn't been crazy about drinking out of a cup. So, while I was thrilled that we wouldn't have to mess with bottles anymore, I was nervous that B wouldn't be getting enough to drink. But, I shouldn't have worried. B LOVES MILK. The kid can't get enough. He will kill a whole glass at a meal if I let him. Pretty impressive.

B also started walking this weekend. He was heavily aided, but he did take a couple of steps on his own. I'm not suprised that B is on the later side of this. He was a late crawler, so motion hasn't really been his thing. He still is a bit unsteady standing on his own, so I won't be suprised if he prefers crawling to walking in the near future. However, he did it and we will keep working with him, so I am sure that he will continue to improve. We shall see though.

This last week has been pretty busy and exciting, birthdays, walking, it's unbelievable how quickly my little buddy is developing. Sometimes I wish there was a pause button to slow things down some. We have a busy week ahead of us too and J is getting ready to head out again, so B and I will be all by our lonesome. It's okay though, I am looking forward to a little mommy and baby time.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Tomorrow, at 0323, my little boy will be 1 year old. This is totally unbelievable to me, it seems like just yesterday I was holding a teeny tiny little boy in my arms. Heck, it seems like I was pregnant and itching up a storm no that long ago. Somehow, this year has slipped by me all to quickly.

I have to admit that I am a little bit sad. Yes, there a many, many great things to look forward to. Sports, school, and a million other things that are merely a thought in the distant future. But, there are some things that I will never get back. That noise he made when he was first born and the little boy who loved to snuggle with me in bed at night.

My son isn't a baby any more. He's a toddler. He loves trucks, dogs, and rough housing. He is much less focus on being with mommy and much more focused on destruction. While spending time with him is much more amusing now and there is never a dull moment when he is on the go (which is always!), I still have a longing to be snuggled up with him, having him listen to me read. Now, we can hardly get through our bedtime books.

I guess there is really no point in feeling sad, we have so much to look forward to with my buddy. So, happy birthday B! We have a long, long time to make more things that I will miss once they are over.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

B's Birthday Weekend

What a whirlwind weekend! I feel exhausted, but in a good way. This weekend we celebrated B's first birthday (actually on Thursday) and we had B baptized on J's ship, the might KEARSARGE. We had a lot of family and friends in to visit and celebrate with us. It was a great feeling to have all those people around us. I am so thankful that we have so many people that care about our little boy and took the time to make his 1st birthday memorable.

The party was not much more than dinner, presents, and cake. We had some BBQ and sides for everyone to enjoy. I thought about trying to do something more, but with 14 people, that seemed a bit unrealistic. So, we ordered some meat, made some salads, and pigged out. It was great. B got a ton of new toys and books. He of course enjoyed the boxes most! Actually, he was generally interested in most everything that he got. He is very into trucks right now, so we have an ever growing motor pool taking over our living room. There is nothing more fun that filling up the dump trucks with blocks and dumping them around the room. He also got bubble making supplies, which is thrilling for both him and the puppies (they LOVE trying to catch bubbles). I was most thankful for the books, we needed some new additions. If I have to read Go Dog Go anytime soon, I might scream. We went simple with the cake and did strawberry shortcakes. It was super hot on Saturday, so I wanted something lighter and B had plenty of other junk, so we went moderately healthy. My parents brought up some fresh picked strawberries from NC and the Bisquik shortcakes are awesome. It was a great party all around and everyone seemed to have a lot of fun.

Then Sunday, we had B baptized on the ship. It's an old Navy tradition for a child to be baptized in the bell. The bell is an important ceremonial and operational piece of the ship. The chaplain turns it upside down and fills it with water to then place on the childs head (like any other baptism). Following that, the child's name is engraved on the inside of the bell, forever becoming a part of that ship. When the ship is decommissioned, the oldest living person who was baptized gets the bell (B is way down on the list). Pretty neat. We were lucky that the Chaplain on J's ship is a Lutheran, so we were able to follow the ceremony that we all were baptized in with our son as well. It was a lovely ceremony and then our family got to have a tour of the ship and lunch in the Wardroom (officer's eating area). While not really anything special for J or I, our family totally loved the meal and tour.

This weekend made me really appreciate my family. Not only the love and interest they show in our son, but their willingness to help out. My grandmother made B's baptism outfit. My sisters, dad, and mother-in-law were all super helpful in getting the party together. My father-in-law did alot of the "honey do's" that J hasn't been able to get to since he has been gone. Everyone was willing to help with the baby. Everyone showed real interest in both what J and I do. It really made us feel loved. It was a really great weekend!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

From Surviving to Thriving

Last night, I enjoyed a huge rush of pride for something very simple. I mowed the lawn and trimmed the fence and house. It isn't all that shocking that I was able to do this, I did mow the lawn for my parents to earn money as a child, but for some reason, I was just super pleased with myself after I was done.

Maybe it was that I worked late yesterday, came home and did it, rather than just hitting the couch like I have lately. Or that I managed to wrangle the baby and the dogs at the same time while I did it (a stroller with the breaks on is an awesome thing). Or maybe it was that I did it without J's help.

There is a certain simple joy of surviving that you feel when your spouse isn't around. Some days it's all you can do to make it through the day, other days you feel like you could do it all by yourself. Lately, with all the problems with the A/C and the lost of my Grandma, I feel like B and I have been limping from day to day. Sure, nothing really bad happens, but we just don't seem to be able to accomplish much.

Mowing the lawn was a breakthrough. I did something I really don't like and I really had no desire to do, but it had to be done. I didn't do anything spectacular, in fact, I don't think I did the best job, but I did it. Our backyard no longer can hide a car. Now, I still have a lot of work to get done before people start arriving tomorrow, but with the lawn covered, it doesn't seem like quite as large of a task.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Packing 'Em In

This weekend, 15 people will be arriving in town to attend B's 1st birthday party and his baptism onboard my hubs ship (more on that in a later post). This is the first time that many of these people have visited our house. In my preparations, I have learned that 15 people is a lot of people. Granted, they aren't staying at our house (hotels became necessary when the A/C broke, no one wants to sweat it out with us), but I still have to feed and entertain everyone for 2 days. No small feat.

First, I will address feeding. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for this group is a massive undertaking. I can get away with simple stuff for the first two meals, but dinner is a different story. It's my son's birthday dinner and people have come a long way so I can't really throw pizza down in front of them. I am buying the meat (BBQ, yum), but I still have to handle the sides. With most recipes only serving 4 or 6, there's a lot of doubling down going on in my kitchen over the next couple of days.

Second, the entertainment. These people have pretty diverse interests and range in age from 20 to 80, so there's a wide range to cover. Also, my house is a sauna. It is hotter than hell. There have been days where the house temperature is 87 degrees. Add 15 bodies in there, I am sure it is going to be pretty uncomfortable.

But, I know that I shouldn't be complaining. We are lucky that we have such wonderful family and friends that are excited to be a part of a special time in my son's life. I know that no matter what I serve and I what I do, a good time will be had by all. There's also the whole issue of cleaning that I have to (HAVE TO) get done soon!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Beatin' the Heat

Well, our A/C is still broken and it is supposed to be a melting 90+ degrees this weekend, so we broke out. We packed up the car and headed down to my parents house to take in some cool air. Plus, it gives me a little break from being in charge 24/7.

We took B into the pool for the first time today. I was a little worried that he would be scared, but not in the slightest. He splashed up a storm and would have been in longer than the 30 minutes I allowed him (I was worried about sunburn). It was really nice to see him have a first with his Grandpa and Grandma. We also visited the Farmer's Market and picked some strawberries (shortcake tonight, YUM!).

It's really nice that my parents live a little over 3 hours away. It makes it very easy to take a weekend off and gives them plenty of time to build a special relationship with my son. I count myself lucky for the relationship that I have with all my grandparents, they are blessing. I hope very much for the same thing for my son. He already loves spending time with my father. They have their own special games (mostly Grampy chasing B down the hall way and out of whatever he has found). J's parents live in Ohio and aren't as accessible, but I intend to make trips to their house to ensure that B gets to spend lots of time with them.

It should be interesting to watch these relationships develop.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Mommy Time Out

Escaping when J is gone is tough. I can't run to the bookstore for a break, I can't throw on my running shoes and head out on my own. It's just me and B. There isn't anyone who can give me a break when the nanny goes home for the day. Last night, I was ready to pull my own hair out. I had just dealt with the A/C disaster (total replacement has to be done, by the way, awesome) and I was trying to decompress and B was hell bent on pulling a speaker down on his head.

Now I don't know if this is a boy thing or a baby thing or a B thing...but, my boy loves cords. There is nothing more joyful is his life than pulling on, chewing on, or sucking an electrical cord. He hunts them out with precision and once he finds one, there is no way to make him forget where that cord had been found. So last night as I was trying to take a short break between A/C repairmen and getting dinner ready, B found the speaker cord for the surround sound speaker on top of the entertainment center. He pulled and chewed and it was only a matter of time before it came down on his head. So, I told him no, moved him away, and sat down again. He went back and back and back. I pulled him away from there at least 5 times. Finally, I lost my temper and plunked him down a little harder than previously. Then the water works started.

Crying upon receiving reprimand is a rather new (and frustrating!) development. I do my best to ignore it because I know that it is for a reaction. There are times when he is really upset and I respond, but there are also times where these responses are just plain pitiful and whiny. So, needless to say, these crocodile tears only made me further frustrated. It was at this point where I needed a mommy time out, but it couldn't be done. I could have put him in his crib for a brief moment, but that would have only lead to a greater scale melt down. I took a deep breath and gathered my best mommy talents and removed the boy from the cords once again and headed to the kitchen for dinner.

I know that there are single moms that do this everyday and I shouldn't complain, I just have to survive it for periods of time, but still, I need a break! I never thought about getting a babysitter while J was gone, but I think I might just have to.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Man Work...but no man to do it

Our A/C leaks. Bad. Like, mega bad. There is a giant water stain on our ceiling that appeared over night. I have the A/C people coming today to take a look at it. It is hotter that Hades at our house here in VA and it's going to get much worse before it gets better. It has to be fixed soon as we have a house full of people coming to visit us next week for B's baptism and 1st birthday. Here's the problem, I have no idea what they are going to tell me and having no technical knowledge, I fear that I am going to get taken for a ride. Now, don't get me wrong, J is about the least technical person you will ever meet. I actually may know more than him, but dudes just have more street cred in these situations.

Being on my own isn't tough, it's just annoying sometimes. Like when light bulbs burn out, or the lawn needs to be mowed, or when the A/C breaks. These are man jobs. They are jobs that I have no desire to be involved in. Now, before I get all the ladies in an uproar, I know that women can handle any task and, believe me, as a female Naval Officer, I get that. But, I personally just don't want to deal with it. I am sure there are many marriages where the ladies are the subject matter experts and handle these matter. This just isn't something that I like to involve myself in. I would prefer to never think about these things. I like that my hubs handles these things.

But, broken A/C's wait for no man, so I got on the internet, read some reviews and have someone coming out to the house today to check things out. I emailed my main man, but in typically Navy fashion it appears the internet isn't working on the ship so I have no idea of his opinion. I'm sure that it'll be fine, the A/C will be fixed (at great cost I'm sure) and all will be well.

Monday, April 26, 2010

On the Go

Well, it's been a hot minute since I last posted. I spent the last week up in Newport, RI attending a war game (not quite as cool as it sounds). This was the first time that we left B with someone other than a parent as J was and continues to be underway. We left B in the capable hands of my parents, who spoiled him completely rotten. All his schedule was thrown out and he just had a ball. I was a bit nervous before I left him (his is my only baby after all), but I shouldn't have been. They loved him so much. He was well taken care of and my dad almost won't let me take him back with me. They are already asking about the next time that they can watch him.

Unfortunately, while I was away, my Grandma passed away and my parents had to take B to TN where I would meet them for the memorial service. This meant a complete change in plans for me and I had to do some serious flight adjustments. I made it in time for a lovely service for a lovely lady. Then B and I flew back late last night and I headed into work this morning.

Needless to say, I need a break, but there doesn't seem to be one coming anytime soon. In two weeks, my son will be baptized onboard his daddy's ship (really a pretty awesome ceremony) so everyone will be coming to visit us. We will also be celebrating his first birthday that weekend, which I really can't believe. So, there is a lot to get done and of course, J won't be home until a day or two before so he will be no help.

I have much more to say later, but I wanted to get something jotted down before B wakes up from his nap and who knows how long it will be until I get a chance to sit down again!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Morning Naps

Continuing my poor me post from yesterday, I want to say that I miss the morning nap. B gave this joyous event up just a few weeks ago and I have looked back longingly ever since. Now, I didn't really notice it on the week days, but this weekend when I was on my own, I MISSED IT! God bless the nanny for making it this far without it.

I realized how many things I crammed into the time. Showers, laundry, was a wonderful time when I could recover from the morning destruction. My son has become a tornado, ripping his way from one area to another. Meal time can be described as nothing other than a disaster. It includes dog feedings, food throwing and general smearing. Play time tends to consist of throwing toys, ripping paper, and general devastation. Needless to say, the few moments in the morning I had to clean were precious. I could turn the tide in the house back in my favor. No more.

This weekend I was on the run for 8 solid hours behind my boy. From 6 am to 2 pm. Pick up, take away, redirect, repeat. He never slowed down. It was unbelievable. Graciously, this no morning nap has led to an extra long afternoon nap, usually about 2 hours. But, by the time this nap hit, I needed one. The last thing I wanted to do was clean up. However, I mustered all my energy and I cleaned. I cleaned because I knew there was no way it would get done later in the day after the dinner time fiasco that always occurs (think dogs, cats, and babies conspiring to drive me insane).

There are times when I am running behind this child wondering how something so tiny could defeat me. Nothing defeats me. I am an officer in the world's most powerful navy. I have driven a warship, shot missiles, and done a million other things that are awesome. And then this little 20 odd pound crawling monster can exhaust me in a way that none of these other things have. I will certainly be interesting to see what happens when he starts walking (which I feel we are on the verge of any day).

Monday, April 12, 2010


Let me begin this post with this...I love my husband and my son. Dearly. More than anything in the world. They are the two most important people in the world to me.

That said, this weekend, I was ready to throw both of them out of my house. More accurately, I was ready to pack my bags and leave, just leave. There was a moment on Sunday where I could have exploded. I was so frustrated, so angry, and so spent that I just couldn't take it anymore.

It wasn't really anything that they did. Sure, B could have not sucked on my Ipod cord and broken it. Sure, J could have returned from duty earlier than he did. But, I can't really pinpoint any one thing that pushed me over the edge. It was just everything. The overwhelming amount of cleaning, the sheer exhaustation from a busy week and busier weekend, the bad news about my grandmother. It finally boiled over. And I yelled and fumed and cussed and insulted and did all those ugly things that you don't want to admit to.

My husband isn't the most empathetic man, so this proceeded into an argument about who works harder and who parents more and really nothing was accomplished other than we were now both mad and the dogs were cowering in their cage. B just watched from his high chair.

I felt terrible afterwards. I know how hard J works and how much he wishes he could be home more. I don't want my son to see me like this. I don't want him to think that acting in this manner is the best way to resolve these issues. But sometimes, I just can't help it.

I know that this could have easily been prevented if I had taken a moment to get out of the house on my own. A quick trip to the bookstore or an outdoor run would have cleared out some of this frustration. But, I feel so guilty that I don't see B enough that I feel I need to be with him when I am home. I know another solution to this problem is that J and I need to adjust to our new roles. I have done things on my own before, for the first few months it was just me and B. I just have to accept my lot in life for now. I know that tougher times are ahead, so little adjustments now will pay big dividends when J is gone for those long 8 months. Finally, I know that not everything will get cleaned every weekend. When it's just us, I have to make trade offs.

Now, it's easy to say all of these things, but the real test will be in a couple of weeks when all these feelings start bubbling up again.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Spitting (Dinner) Time

So, the boy has started doing something new at meal time...spitting everything that comes on a spoon out. Anything that went in his mouth last night at dinner came right back out atleast once. When he was hand feeding himself corn and bananas (a strange combination, I know), no problems, went down without a fight. But, when I started spooing his dinner in his mouth, no dice.

I honestly don't understand it. I know that it is something that he likes. When I put it back in his mouth a second time, he would eat with no problems. I know that it wasn't too hot or too cold. I ate some myself to make sure. It tasted fine and he had eaten it before. He was just bound and determined not to eat it the first time it went in.

It was super annoying, not only for the wasted food, but also the significant amount of food that got spit out on me. My glasses were covered, my clothes were spattered, it was gross. Now, I admit that usually when I come home from work, I throw on some crummy tee shirt and sweat rather than putting on real clothes. But, yesterday, I actually put on nice clothes because we went out to the library and the park. I was hoping that they wouldn't get too dirty. WRONG.

I know that this is the age where stubborness starts and where food pickiness starts and where the appetite goes down. Fine. Just turn your head away or don't open your mouth. I'll take that, but this Gallagher show (way back reference) I am getting treated to is just no fun.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

That Old Familiar Longing

So, after the third pregnancy announcement in a little less than a week, I find myself with the same old gnawing feeling...when is it going to happen for us. J and I have been "trying" (really not trying) since December. I know these things take time and my hormones are still recovering from nursing, but I can still feel that little monster inside me wondering what is taking so long.

I freely admit I am not a patient person. When I make up my mind about something, I want it now. Like yesterday now. I don't like the feeling of waiting or not being in control of my own destiny. We decided that we wanted to have two children before my three years of sea time (a no baby zone) and two afterwards. We have a pretty tight timeline. I have less than two years before I head back to sea. I also have only a couple of months before J heads out on the ocean for 8 months, so I kind of have to get it in now or wait for a whole year.

Last time we tried, it took 8 months. We had started fertility testing and where half way through an international adoption (I told you, I'm not patient). J was tested, but I wasn't. The doctor's appointment scheduled for me was 4 days after we had a positive test, so we may have no problems or we may have gotten lucky. That feeling of not knowing is unsettling.

I really don't want this time to be like last time. I don't want to pee on a million sticks, track my temperature, in general, I don't want to become obsessed. J was very patient and understanding, but I could tell that I was beginning to grate on his nerves. Heck, I was even annoying myself. At times, though, I feel like I can't help myself. As an accomplishment driven person, every single month we don't get pregnant feels like a failure. J just doesn't understand how crushing it is to me. I am trying very hard to keep all of my crazy to myself, but I feel like as time goes on, it is becoming more challenging not to buy the ovulation tests.

I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate my son. I love, love, love B. J sees my desire as a sign that B isn't enough, which he is. If he is all that we ever have, that would be okay. He's a great kid. But, I grew up as the oldest of four children. Our family just doesn't feel complete as three. Who is B going to play hot lava with, who is he going to share his secrets with, heck, who is he going to get into fights with. I look back on my childhood and fondly remember my time with my siblings. I love the memories I have of the four of us playing together. I still look forward to spending time with them. I don't want my son to miss that. J is an only and he just doesn't get it.

Needless to say, I feel like I am under the gun. There is a timeline that I am up against and I don't like that I can't drive the bus. Grrr...

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Happy Easter!

We are celebrating Easter a day early this year since J has duty tomorrow. We have kept it pretty low key and my parents came up. We dyed some eggs, made some cupcakes, (BTW B loves icing), and may have an Easter egg hunt tomorrow. I think it will mostly consist of a couple of eggs being laid out for him to shake.

This weekend has brought up some parenting questions for me. We are religious adn this is a pretty important time of year. We regularly attend church and do read Bible stories to him every Sunday. But, I still wonder how we encourage his religious beliefs, but don't make it too overt. I remember going to church and youth group and my personal beliefs grew from that. They were never pushy, they never forced me and I came out fine. However, several of my siblings are not. There wasn't any difference in their manner, we just ended up drastically different.

I would like to take a similar approach with B. J did not grow up religious at all and has only been attending since we met. He wants to bring him up with beliefs, but he has no idea where to start. Unfortunately, with all things parenting, it appears we will just have to roll with the punches on this.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dealing with the Boy Bits

Being a mother to a boy has already proven more challenging than I expected. Last week, we had an, ahem, weiner problem. I won't go into the gory details, but it ended up with a frantic evening visit to the doctor's office and a even later pick up at the drugstore. I have always said to my husband that since I don't have the parts, I can't be counted on to know that much about it, so it's his deal. I honestly expect him to do the potty training because he is the subject matter expert. Well, he was underway, and the boy had problems, I had to act. Turns out it wasn't a big deal and even though we got a perscription, it was really only for B's comfort and quicker recovery than a real issue.

As the doctor explained that these things are very common and "there's just a lot of skin down there," I was thinking to myself, what is this kid going to do when he is older and I don't necessarily see these issues. I sure wasn't going to tell my dad and problems I was having in that region. I mean, it's not like my husband won't be around at all, but still when the weiner crisis hits and he is underway, what am I going to do with a 12 year old boy who has no interest in his mom knowing about it.

Not only is he going to be embarrassed, but so am I. I could barely keep myself from giggling as I was explaining the specifics of the problem to the after hours nurse. I just couldn't help it, I was listening to myself talk about it so clinically that I found it hilarious every time I said the "p" word. Real grown up, I know. Needless to say, both of us will be a mess when this problem hits later in life. I know that I am just going to have to be up front with him as he is growing so that he does feel comfortable coming to me when his dad isn't around. I also know that I need to make sure I act in a mature manner when these issues arise. But, I still can't help but giggle when I look back on it and I still get red in the face when I explain it to my husband.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Outdoor Time

J and I aren't outdoor people. Sure we'll hike around a national park and run outside, but we aren't the type of people to just hang out outside. We would much rather be in the heat/air conditioned comfort of our own home. I realized this might not be a great habit to pass on to our child. I sat down and thought about the last time the child had spent any significant time outdoors. I really had to rack my brain. There are just so many wonderful things to do inside, we just never think to go outside.

So, I took him out on the back deck today, I felt like he needed it. The child loved it! He was crawling around like it was going out of style. He enjoyed picking up leaves and feeling the different textures of wood on the deck. I was really suprised at how much he seemed to enjoy it. I will be sure to add in some outdoor time to his day.

The other beings that really seemed to enjoy the outside time with the baby were the dogs. I mean, I know the dogs like to spend time with B. They tend to hang out in the same room with him anyway, but they were just so happy when B was out there. It was like they were introducing their own world to him. They keep coming up and checking him. I am really looking forward to when they can really play together. Well, it's time to make dinner, I think we might just eat on the back deck.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Single Mom at 10 months

This week I rocked it as a single mom (maybe not rocked it, but survived it). J was underway and I did it, but, boy, was it different than doing it when he was a little baby. In some ways easier and some ways harder. Easier in that I got more sleep. I am grateful that I have a good night sleeper but even more so this week when I had to get up at 0345 3 days in a row for work (BOO on that by the way). Harder in that the boy is mobile. I couldn't even go the bathroom without having to worry where he was and what he was into. I admit I got a bit frustrated with this tonight. He kept ripping toliet paper and hanging on me and all I wanted to was go to bathroom for 2 minutes!

I know that this is what we are in for for the next couple of years and soon enough the tables will be turned and J will be in the single dad for his fair share of time. There were times where I honestly loved being here by myself. We had special cuddle time and we shared some special moments. However, there were quite a few times where I could have used a relief. Now that B is cruising, he bonks himself a lot, like really a lot, like I am worried about brain damage a lot. Needless to say this all ends in many tears and I told you so's. It's exhausting.

Plus, you never realize how much work the old man does until he was gone. Trash, pet care, car care. There were a lot more things that I had to take care of this week. I have never liked it when J is gone, but now with B on the move and so much more to handle, I like it even less. Oh well, it's the Navy, what can you do? I know one thing, I'll be spending some quality alone time on Saturday!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Day After Not My Day

Well, here I am at work. The day after my disasterous having to stay home. This shouldn't be suprising, but nobody cared but me. Nobody looked down their nose at me, no one had anything nasty to say. In fact, most people just asked how everything was going.

I got myself very upset yesterday about something that didn't matter. My professional reputation is still intact. While there aren't too many other mothers here, there are a whole heck of a lot of dads who got it. Stuff happens, people get sick, no big deal.

So how come I got so darn upset? I think it is a couple of things. One, I haven't been sleeping that well since B is sick, which probably caused me to be a bit shorter than usual. Two, this is the first time that I have had to deal with this type of situation. I like things to be well planned out with everything all wrapped up. I am slowly learning that that just isn't possible. It still gets me when things don't go my way though. Three, being a female officer is tough. There is a lot of pressure to make sure you don't fall into a catagory. I know that the military has allowed females to do pretty much everything for a while now, but there is still an immense amount of pressure to measure up. Being a mom makes it all the tougher. In a community that is built around being the best and being able to do it all, it is challenging to admit your failings (not that being a parent is a failing, but some might see it that way).

While I now know that I can survive this and it isn't going to be a problem if it happens, I certainly don't want this to become a common thing. There is a fine line between unfornate occurances and dirtbags and I really don't want to cross that line.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Not my day...

Today was just not my day.  B is still sick, still super snotty, and I am pretty sure he has an ear infection.  The kicker was, the nanny was sick too!  I had to stay home from work today.  Now, stuff happens, people are sick, I get it.  BUT, staying home from work doesn't work for me. 

As a Naval Officer, I don't find that acceptable.  I was embarrassed.  I felt like everyone at my office was wondering about me and my ability.  Before I was a mom, I would have questioned why someone would stay home.  Being in the military is a huge commitment and it is an all the time commitment.  You can get called up at anytime to do anything.  That's just the way it is.  Today made me question is I can meet that commitment.  I love my job, I really do, but day's like today make me question if I can keep this up.

I know that our situation is different.  There isn't anyone who can easily stay home.  J is on sea duty so he has no option.  That leaves me.  I also know that we need to find a back up option.  I looked into drop in day cares today and we are going to try and find some stay at home moms who can help us out.  It's just tough because I want to be here when he is sick, honestly, I want to be home all the time, but I can't.  I know that everyone has bad days and that when I look back on today I won't be that upset, but right now, I felt like crapo.  

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Meaning of the Word "Blow"

Oh, how I wish my son knew what it meant.  B has a cold, again.  Sadly, I am pretty sure he got it from J.  I think that everytime our son has gotten sick, it has come from one of us, not from other kids.  We're the germ factories!  Anywho, the boy is a snot machine.  Snot everywhere and on everyone.  He sneezes and it just drips out.  It is SO gross, like mega gross, like grosser than anything we have previously dealt with.  Ugh, I can't take it, everything has a fine layer of slime on it. 

I truly wish the boy knew how to blow his nose.  I use the snot sucker thing, but it doesn't get that much out and it is such a battle that it almost isn't worth it.  I have to try and pin him down, hold his head, and use the sucker without hitting his brain all at the same time.  Terrible. 

I feel bad for my buddy because I know he doesn't feel good and it doesn't help that I get frustrated with him.  He can't sleep very well, so neither can we.  J and I have been taking turns sleeping in the rocking chair with him so he can get some drainage. 

It's tough because I was really looking forward to relaxing this weekend.  We have a tough couple of weeks ahead of us and it would have been nice to have a calm weekend.  I know that I should just feel bad for my buddy, but I can't help but feel a little bad for myself.  Life goes on I suppose, I just wish I hadn't had an hour stolen from me to top it off! 

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Blink of an Eye

Do you ever have a moment when you look at your child and wonder where your little baby went?  That happened to me today.  B is now almost 10 months old and I can hardly believe it.  He stood up for the first time today (it was for seconds), but it seemed to make me see him in a whole new light.  I don't remember feeling like this when he crawled, he still seemed like a baby.  But with this...something just seems different.  It seems like my little buddy isn't so little anymore.

I have been so busy at work over the past couple of months that I feel like I just didn't notice how big he was getting.  He was playing today and it was like he was a completely different kid.  There wasn't just the usual banging.  He was starting to stack things, he was working to get the toys to do what he wanted.  It broke my heart in a way that it seems like a phase of B is already over.

I remember when he was born and he was soooooo teeny.  He and I would cuddle on the couch for hours, now I can barely get him to sit still with me to read our night time story.  I almost feel like he doesn't need me as much anymore, which is a miserable feeling. 

I know that I shouldn't be too upset, there is so many things to look forward to with him.  I know that there are going to be so many more times that I will have this same feeling.  I have to admit though, I snuck up to his room after he fell asleep and got him out and rocked him.  It was nice to have a quiet moment with him snuggled up to me.  I might just have to let him sleep in the room with me tonight while J is on the ship for duty.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Our Two Dumb Dogs

As I have already mentioned before, I have a hairy house, 3 cats, 2 dogs...heck, even the hubs is hairy.  This leads to a giant mess all the time.  B spends most of his day covered in hair and dirt that is tracked around by our two dummies.  I have more or less gotten over it.  My child eats hair, he is constantly dirty, it's cool. 

However, at times when I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed with hair, I wonder if maybe 5 pets is 4 pets too many.  There are multiple times a day that I get really frustrated when a cat claws furniture, or the dog eats a sock, or someone (culprits are currently unknown) knocks over glasses of water on the coffee table.  Now with the added stress of the baby, the pets can seem like just too much.

But, then a wonderful thing happens.  A cat comes and sits in my lap while I watch TV alone when J is on the ship.  Or B busts into a huge smile watching the puppies (they are almost 2, but they will always be puppies to us) play together.  Or I walk into a room and find the puppies snuggled together like they used to when we first brought them home.

I can honestly say that our pets are WONDERFUL with B.  The cats avoid him, which I get, he pulls their hair, but we he does get a hold of one, they just run away.  They don't scratch, they don't hiss, they just run away.  The puppies LOVE the baby.  They sleep in the room right by his crib.  They let him crawl all over them.  The like to just hang out in the room that he is in.  It's amazing.  Now, I am not stupid, I know that bad things can happen with pets at any minute, so we always watch B when the pets are around.  That said, I have to count myself very lucky that we have such good pets.  I know that the dogs are the way they are because of their temperment and their training, so we can take some credit, but with the cats, it's just amazing.  So, while my house is hairy and I get frustrated very often, I am grateful that we have 5 pets.