Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Two Sparkling Navy Gems

Just a brief rant about to miserable things associated with being a lady in the Navy. Urinalysis and the maternity uniform.

First, urinalysis. While this process is absolutely necessary, this is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to your day. There is no more embarrassing feeling that getting that dreaded email. You have to wander over to the "collection center," get your parts and head into the bathroom. While in there, some one stares directly at your unmentionable region and watches you go to the bathroom. Going to the bathroom in itself is a challenge. For dudes, totally easy, aim. For ladies, not so much, it's always a wild guess whether you are going to pee on your hand or not. Then you have to try and dress yourself with a possibly peed on hand. Finally, to really take the cake, you have to walk back to the cental collection point with a bottle full of pee for everyone to see. Are you hydrated? Hey, don't worry, everyone will know! Ugh, it's miserable, embarrassing and downright gross. Again, I understand why the process is important and I agree that it needs to be done. But, I still get bummed out when I come up due to take the whiz quiz.

Second, maternity uniforms. Let's not fool anyone, regular women's uniforms are ugly. Butt ugly. Just terrible. I mean they are the single least flattering piece of clothing I own. I'm not looking for something to really show myself off, but I would atleast like something that fits properly and doesn't highlight every flaw I have. Maternity uniforms take the ugliness to a whole new level. Truly hideous. It's a brown tent. It is like the udly maternity clothes of the 1970's. And, to make matters worse, they are made of the single most uncomfortable, itchy material on the planet. Because no pregnant woman doesn't feel uncomfortable already. AND they are expensive. I have literally been squeezing myself into my regular uniform for the past couple of weeks to avoid wearing that thing. I'm making the switch next week and am none to thrilled about it (little known fact to Diana, you get bigger way faster the second time around).

Anyway, just a quick rant about the constant joys of being a female military officer. To recap: you have to pee in front of people in a teeny tiny cup and you have to wear ugly clothes. Back to what promises to be a fulfilling Navy day!

1 comment:

  1. Urinalysis...oh the bad memories. I went to nuke school and one time I went in on a Saturday to study, studied a few hours and just as I was going out the door got pulled for a urinalysis. And I couldn't go...even after I gulped a Mountain Dew. I had a lady sitting in the bathroom with me for 40 minutes, doing everything she could think of to try to get me to relax and go. So embarrassing. I feel your pain.