Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Kid Count

So, I have always been confident that I wanted 4 kids. I’m the oldest of four children and I absolutely loved growing up with siblings. When I held T in my arms for the first time, I knew that he wasn’t my last baby. Even in the most challenging of times, I have never wavered in my desire.

Until yesterday. Let me set the stage…B is a poop smearer. When left to his own devices, he will, on occasion (I think this was the 4th time) go into his diaper and “paint.” It is truly one of the most disgusting things in the whole world. It smells, it makes me gag, it’s the worst. This was on top of a challenging morning that included at 5 hour round trip to our next duty station to complete some daycare paperwork where both children screamed the whole way. On top of not sleeping the night before because I am just super wound up due to all the upcoming changes and missing my husband.

So, when I woke from my 15 minute (15 minutes!) nap to find the damage that had occurred in that short time. I lost my sh!t. Completely and totally, I cried, I yelled, I broke down. And I thought to myself, I don’t want anymore children. I don’t even want the ones I have.

Now, I, of course, gathered myself, gave B a shower (a cold one is what the ped has recommended to break this behavior), and cleaned up the bedroom. But, I still didn’t even want to look at B, let alone creating another one to make things worse. After I got everyone to bed, I sat and thought and while I still want 4 kids, I don’t want to have anymore until I can count on J being home more, which is a while off. But more than that, I need to cut myself a break. I push and push and push and don’t rest because pushing makes the time go by faster, but I’m just asking myself for too much.

In the end, I just have to remind myself that it’s 80 days and that I just sometimes have to say no and take a break (but duct tapping B into his clothes first  ).

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Long Overdue Post

What an absence!

Well, we have had an interesting month. We have once again said good bye to Dad and I am kickin’ it single mom style. As is our way, I have done my best to keep us super busy so it doesn’t feel so empty around the house. We have visited my parents and grandparents, been to the zoo, pool and everywhere else I can think of to keep us from moping around the house.

B is adjusting as well as he can to Daddy being gone. Fielding all the questions about where Daddy is, can we talk to Daddy, when is Daddy coming back has been really tough. I just want to burst into tears every time I hear them, but I know that I can’t. Between potty training and nap reductions, B is having a tough time. I can say with confidence, the boy is pee trained. He goes to the potty when he needs to and won’t mess in his pants. Poop is a whole different bag. We are still working on that one. He’s working out some issues that are affecting his normal sunny disposition. But, he still is a great little boy and wows me every day with how smart he is.

T is hands down the happiest baby I have ever met. Almost never cries, always greets you with a smile and just LOOOOOVES laughing and playing with his older brother. He really is a joy. Hearing him laugh at B acting a fool just warms my heart. He’s a solid food man now and I am already noticing a decrease in his nursing which makes me a little sad.

Needless to say, we have been moving and shaking. AND we have a huge adventure coming up in a month. I’ll be starting a school in Dahlgren for 10 weeks, so B, T and me will all be living in a hotel and the boys will be in daycare for that period of time. So, things will be interesting! And I am happy to report that it is only 93 more days until J returns!