Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Mommy Roadkill

Some days of mommyhood just don’t live up to the “best thing that will ever happen to you.” Some days the little crises, degradations, and just all out unfairness get the better of you and you really have to wonder what you have gotten yourself into. And it’s not just the children that you presently have, it’s the future ones too. Sometimes, they just all gang up on you and bring you down.

This occurred to me yesterday.

First, I’m over being pregnant. I have once again become a member of the “pee your pants” club. Any sneeze, too hard laugh, and sometimes for no reason at all leads to it. All you moms-to-be, panty liners are a savior. I include this in one of the dirty little secrets about pregnancy that no one clues you into. This wonderful group includes hemorrhoid pads (I picked up some Tucks the other day in preparation for the birth), not being able to cut your own toenails, and the thousands of other indignities that you get to enjoy along the journey to motherhood. Anyway, I’m over being pregnant. I itch constantly, my liver function sucks, and I have about as much energy as a three toed sloth. Thankfully, at most, I have two weeks to go. 4 March can’t get here fast enough (although it will probably be 25 Feb).

Second, my son. My lovely, wonderful, inquisitive son dumped an entire bag of shredded cheese throughout the house while I tried to chase him down to take it away. He grabbed it off the table while I was cleaning up from dinner and the rest is history. I have to give thanks for my dogs though, they did all the clean up with a smile on their faces. I may pay for it today, but yesterday, I couldn’t have been happier that I didn’t have to sweep. B, totally age appropriate, is a maniac. He wants to explore everything, high or low, near or far, if he can see it, he wants to figure it out. The fifteen minutes where he played quietly with his trains the other day was shocking. Generally, he is on the go at a high rate of speed for the majority of the day.

Anyway, once everyone was to bed (pups included), I enjoyed a quick bowl of ice cream and headed to bed myself (not to sleep, but to itch laying down). But, today is a new day. B may be wonderful today as he was this morning when he actually addressed me as mama, my bladder is behaving and I itch at only a minimum level. And if today gets the better of me as well, there’s always tomorrow.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Crunch Time!

Well, the countdown is officially on. I got the news that I can’t carry past 38 weeks, so at the very latest on 4 March, the Betz family will be welcoming a new boy to the fold. I will be having an amnio to check for lung development on the 24th and, if ready, I’ll get induced on the 25th.

I was expecting this, but the shock is no less. That basically gives me 3 weeks to enjoy having only one child, to get everything ready, and to get myself mentally prepared. I have a plan of attack that breaks up a lot of the tasks (grocery shopping, cooking and freezing, pet prep), but still, there is A LOT to get done between now and then. And I can’t really do any of it right now, as my house is in shambles because we are getting several rooms (kitchen, living room, bedroom) painted.

The biggest challenge that I am having is the mental preparation. I can do all the physical stuff, purchasing and cleaning, but getting myself in the right mindset to have a baby again has been tough. First off, I really am struggling to face the fact that J won’t be there and that I have to labor with my mother instead of my husband (neither mom nor I are really thrilled about this arrangement). Now, J freely admits that he wasn’t exactly an “active” participant (he got the nurse when I started throwing up), but still he was there.

Second, I have gotten B to the point where he can do a lot for himself. I don’t have to feed him, I can let him play in another room on his own (thoroughly B-proofed, of course), and most of all, he can entertain himself. He plays with the dogs or cats, he plays with his blocks, he dances, he doesn’t need me there for every second. I can make dinner, go to the bathroom, do the laundry without a helper all the time. B and I went out to dinner last night and while not the most enjoyable dinner out I have ever had, we managed it relatively easily. I cannot imagine how we are going to do that with two. I really can’t. I can’t figure out how we are going to grocery shop. Heck, I’m still trying to figure out how to get them both in the car by myself.

Third, I just don’t know how ready I am to go through the no sleep, constant nursing, lots of poop cycle that I am headed into again. We have lots of help, so I know that things will be fine, but I have a lot more responsibility this time around. 5 pets that won’t understand why things are changing so much (last time, I only had 1 dog, J had the other 4). A little boy who has been the center of the world for two years. Plus a house that is doing its darndest to fall apart around me. There is so much pressure on me already that I just don’t know how I will add this additional responsibility on without going bonkers.

But, again, I know I am not the first person to do this and I won’t be the last. I have help. Family members will be with me for the first month, I have the nanny, we have people coming to clean. I can do this. Like the little engine that could, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…..