Well, the countdown is officially on. I got the news that I can’t carry past 38 weeks, so at the very latest on 4 March, the Betz family will be welcoming a new boy to the fold. I will be having an amnio to check for lung development on the 24th and, if ready, I’ll get induced on the 25th.
I was expecting this, but the shock is no less. That basically gives me 3 weeks to enjoy having only one child, to get everything ready, and to get myself mentally prepared. I have a plan of attack that breaks up a lot of the tasks (grocery shopping, cooking and freezing, pet prep), but still, there is A LOT to get done between now and then. And I can’t really do any of it right now, as my house is in shambles because we are getting several rooms (kitchen, living room, bedroom) painted.
The biggest challenge that I am having is the mental preparation. I can do all the physical stuff, purchasing and cleaning, but getting myself in the right mindset to have a baby again has been tough. First off, I really am struggling to face the fact that J won’t be there and that I have to labor with my mother instead of my husband (neither mom nor I are really thrilled about this arrangement). Now, J freely admits that he wasn’t exactly an “active” participant (he got the nurse when I started throwing up), but still he was there.
Second, I have gotten B to the point where he can do a lot for himself. I don’t have to feed him, I can let him play in another room on his own (thoroughly B-proofed, of course), and most of all, he can entertain himself. He plays with the dogs or cats, he plays with his blocks, he dances, he doesn’t need me there for every second. I can make dinner, go to the bathroom, do the laundry without a helper all the time. B and I went out to dinner last night and while not the most enjoyable dinner out I have ever had, we managed it relatively easily. I cannot imagine how we are going to do that with two. I really can’t. I can’t figure out how we are going to grocery shop. Heck, I’m still trying to figure out how to get them both in the car by myself.
Third, I just don’t know how ready I am to go through the no sleep, constant nursing, lots of poop cycle that I am headed into again. We have lots of help, so I know that things will be fine, but I have a lot more responsibility this time around. 5 pets that won’t understand why things are changing so much (last time, I only had 1 dog, J had the other 4). A little boy who has been the center of the world for two years. Plus a house that is doing its darndest to fall apart around me. There is so much pressure on me already that I just don’t know how I will add this additional responsibility on without going bonkers.
But, again, I know I am not the first person to do this and I won’t be the last. I have help. Family members will be with me for the first month, I have the nanny, we have people coming to clean. I can do this. Like the little engine that could, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…..