Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Vacation Recovery

After a 1.5 week vacation, B and I are back at home and getting into the swing of the holidays. We really enjoyed our time off, B learned to say "No" (oh the joys), I was able to spend some time on my own, and we jointly commiserated on the missing of J (probably me more than him). We made a quick trip down to Disney World to visit my grandparents and aunts, and then headed back up to NC to spend the actual holiday and a couple of extra days with my parents and family. It was busy, but very nice. Just having help with B is always welcome, as my mobility level continues to decline, anytime I don't have to bathe or dress him is a win.

Once we came home to three very unhappy kitties, we got right back into the business of daily life. Bedtime was back in effect and rules about table manners and eating selections were once again enforced. We also got the inside of the house decorated (outside has to wait until the weekend when my parents come to visit). We have our tree up (somewhat of a challenge) and if all the ornaments make it to the New Year, I will be shocked. There has been a 3 foot invisible fence enforced for B and the pups, but our little jungle kitties LOVE to spend time playing under the tree. I know that it's only a matter of time, sigh.

We are hosting a work get together here in a few days with lots of little children attending, which should be a lot of fun for B. This will be his first time having other kiddies on his home turf. Then, we have Christmas pictures and appointments galore coming up in the next couple of weeks. And, then, in just a few short weeks, we will once again be on vacation for the Christmas holiday.

As you can see, I am filling up as much time as I can to make sure we don't sit around and mope for what is missing. I have to admit Thanksgiving was tough. Not only that J wasn't there, but also that my Grandmother was missing as well. There just seems to be a damper this year and I can't quit seem to shake it. However, this is B's first real Christmas and his last as an only child, so I feel it's important to make a good one. So, I'll just have to pull up my Big Girl panties and shake out of this funk and into the Christmas spirit!

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Wonders of a 96

I am back at work today after enjoying the ever elusive 96 hour liberty. 72 hours, pretty common, but 96 (4 whole days of no leave required time off) is pretty rare. Now, I know the reason we got it is because we worked like dogs for 10 days straight, but still, it felt a little like stealing. It was glorious!

I really enjoyed spending the time with B. Since I had been working so much, I felt like he was not getting enough parenting time and was having some serious mommy guilt. No more! 4 solid days of Mommy and Me time has left me completely exhausted, but in a really good way. Now, I spend every night and weekend with him, so it's not like I don't spend time with my child, but 4 straight days all by myself is something I haven't done in a while.

B has really changed a lot lately and I didn't really notice until this time off. He plays with his toys a lot more. Before, he would thrown them or chew on them, but now he actually plays in a "normal" way. He stacks blocks, pushes his cars, sends the cars through the car wash toy, bounces balls. Now, he still has his Godzilla moments where all must be crushed and destroyed, but I really saw a change in the way that he spends his time. I also noticed that B has a solid understanding of the processes at our house. He knows and likes to help unload the dishwasher, he helps feed the dogs, he understands that keys go into door knobs. It was interesting to see just how much he caught on to how things work just by watching. On a more concerning point, my son doesn't talk. He says a lot, but none of it is words. He says Ball as Ba, Dog is Do, Shoes are Sh. At 18 months, I really expected that he would be saying atleast a couple of things. We have Dr. visit this week, so I intend on bringing this up when we head in.

I really appreciated the time that I got with him. I got to see him in a way that my busy life hadn't allowed me to lately. I was super proud of what a helpful boy he is turning into. It also made me really sad for J. If I was missing this much just by being busy at work for a couple of weeks, what was the 9 months missed going to be to him. We received our first DVD of J reading to B last week and we have watched it over and over, but I can tell that B is quickly losing his memory of his father, which is absolutely heart breaking. But, through pictures and videos we are trying to keep him as up to date as possible.

Now, as we hurdle into the holiday season, I know that I will be spending a lot of time with B and I want to make sure to not only cherish every moment with my only boy (very, very soon to change - I feel totally unprepared), but to get as much of it captured as possible for my wonderful hubs.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Exercise Time!

The week of insanity has begun! So, at work, for the next 10 days, we are conducting a huge exercise. A massive, coast to coast exercise. And, for me, that means working an insane amount for the next ten days. It's shaping up to be something like 120+ hours in ten days. 12 hour shifts (that are really more like 14), only 1 break day, it's gonna be tough for a couple of different reasons.

One, B. With J sailing the high seas, the nanny and my loving family are really stepping up. I am super, super lucky that I have these options (even if we certainly pay for them). Our nanny is nothing short of a saint, she is flexible and willing to help out when I need it. And, thankfully, my father will be coming up to watch B over the weekend. While I am confident that B will be well cared for while I am toiling away, I sure am going to miss him. I will be leaving in the morning before he gets up and getting home after he goes to sleep. It's really tough to be the only parent and then to not be available. Mommy guilt, much?

Two, pregnancy. I have mentioned already that I have not really had the resurgence of energy that I experienced in the second trimester of my first pregnancy. This time, I feel beat down pretty much all the time. I feel like I drag through my days and have zero energy by the time that I get home from a normal work day, so the prospect of these long days just isn't appealing. Plus, there is the simple fact that there is a lot of planning that goes into working that long and with pregnancy that is double. I'm not going to lie, I eat a lot when pregnant (and not pregnant), so I need to have enough food to sustain me for that period when I come in in the morning.

Three, that's just a lot of work! No matter how you slice it, that's a lot of work. And, it's not easy work, it is challenging, brain bending work. You have to be able to think on your feet and react to what happens in a super short period of time. And, being a LT in a room full of CDRs and CAPTs, there is some pressure to not be a dummy (even though they a lot of times sound like dummies).

So, I have to admit, I am a little bit stressed out. I have tried my hardest to prep the house (BTW we have painters there this week) and make sure that B is prepped. He has food, diapers, clean clothes, all the stuff he needs to make it a week without mom. I slept as much as I could over the weekend to get myself physically rested. Even still, I can't shake that feeling that this week is going to be hell.