So, I’m pretty sure that all couples have similar issues, but in J and I’s case the “division of labor” debate seems to take up an inordinately large amount of our time. We have been engaged in a battle of wills for about a week now over who will take something upstairs (think Everybody Loves Raymond’s suitcase episode).
For us, we seem to be in a constant one up of who does more and who does more at work this earning them the right to do less at home. With both of us being in the Navy, we both have a pretty good argument. We both work really hard, so when one comes home, it’s tough to get it together to clean out the baby potty, cook dinner, and numerous other tasks that constantly are breathing down on us. I will openly admit that these issues have been a big issue in our marriage. We have weekly “business meetings,” where we try our best to lay out the tasks that are likely to be sticking points and assign them out, but inevitably, something always comes us that brings us back to who works harder.
So, who does work harder? It’s a tough answer. Yes, J is on sea duty and I am on shore. But, there are inherent things that only Mom can do (breastfeeding, anyone?), so even though I might be having an easier time at work (note: might), I still have stuff at home that I am responsible for. So what does that add up to?
As you can see, there’s no good answer. There is no quantitative way to figure out who should have what chores based on who works harder. So, we just have the same argument over and over again. Hooray! One would think that two Naval Officers, who spend their careers managing people, parts, and places could works this out, but no…we’ll argue who works harder until we retire, have no kids at home and then we’ll just find something else to argue about. :)