Tuesday, October 19, 2010

You've Got Mail

As we creep by two months of deployment, I have noticed myself slipping into a bad habit...the email waiting game. I find myself gettin frustrated with the hubs when he doesn't meet my expectations of how often is often enough.

I feel that I take the time everyday to write an email about what is happening around the house, with NB, with B and the pets and that the same from him isn't asking that much (it's not, really). But, J isn't on the same timeline, in fact, he isn't even close. He routinely goes 2 to 3 days without an email home, which frustrates me to no end. I know that he is working his tail off, I know that he is lonely and doesn't want to send the same emails again and again.

BUT, what about me? I can't really say how frustrated I am because I know the situation that he is in and making him feel worse won't accomplish anything, so I sit and stew and check my email a hundred times a day. I feel like I am really trying to stay connected to him, but he isn't giving the same courtesy to us. And then, in my crazy head, it spirals into him not missing us. As you can see, this train goes downhill fast.

I know J misses us and I know that he loves us. I know these things without doubt, but given the empty space of no emails, well, you know what they say about idle hands. I think what frustrates me most of all, is that I have to keep all this frustration and worry all pent up inside me because it isn't fair to unload my crazy on J. He's got plenty of that going on without me.

So what to do? I can keep checking my email like a crazy person (I just did again, I can't be stopped), but I know that I can't write a nasty gram (yet - 5 days, my story will change). Holding down the fort just got a whole lot harder.

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