Being Thankful

While I walk or work out, I listen to several different parenting podcasts to pass the time. My all time favorite is the Manic Mommies, who are working moms that openly and hilariously discuss the challenges of trying to “have it all.” Recently, they interviewed a couple who started a Thankfulness website that challenges everyone to be thankful for three to five things everyday and to log these things either with their website/app or in a journal.

Well, I have taken on the challenge. I feel like lately the pressure of an almost 2 year old, managing a household single handedly and being mega pregnant and super, super itchy has just made me miserable. I feel like I do nothing but yell and pout and complain. I haven’t felt to joy of everyday life in a while, so I decided to start logging things everyday that I am thankful for instead of always thinking about all the things that frustrate and upset me.

It hasn’t been easy everyday, I have already logged my thankfulness for naptime and baby gates several times. There have been days where I can’t seem to come up with anything until after B has gone to bed. There have been days were being thankful for anything feels forced, but I still took the time to sit down and write things down.

Looking back on my week or so of entries, I have also noticed small, special things that I had been overlooking before. B has learned 4 new words in a week. J sends me nice emails more often than I thought. The dogs behavior isn’t as bad as I thought it was. It was a real boost to see all the things that I have to be thankful for in just a week.

I’m not delusional, there are really, really tough days ahead. I fear that the day little NB is born will be both one of the happiest and saddest days I have ever experienced. The challenges of cholestasis are looming and the challenges of bringing a new baby home all by myself is even more daunting. But, if I remind myself of all the things there are to be thankful for, like rocking my little boy to sleep before he gets too much bigger, then we can make it these last 118 days.

Registry Politics

I received a very interesting phone call last night from Babies R US. A registry person called and asked if I wanted a personal appointment because my registry was missing some important items.

With our second boy on the way in less than two years, I am having a challenging time coming up with what we really need when it seems like we have everything. NB doesn’t need a stitch of clothing, I think there are some things that B never even wore. We have towels and sheets, baby tub, diaper genie, bottles, pump, just about everything. I am going to sleep with NB in the room with me, while B kicks it in the crib until J gets home (the logistics are really just much easier this way). So, that just leaves a stroller and some diapers. Thus, I have a pretty sparse registry.

BTW, can I mention just how darn expensive these double strollers are. It’s highway robbery! I really want a Phil and Teds for space, jogging, and convenience, but I just can’t stomach spending that much money. I know that I will ultimately, but it just stinks. Plus, I have to have a double for the nanny, so we really almost need two strollers (I WILL NOT buy two Phil and Teds).

Anyway, I digress, I kind of feel bad that this baby won’t have anything “new,” but then I remind myself that it really just gets barfed and pooped on AND they don’t remember anything anyway. So, it doesn’t really matter what they wear, sit it, play with.

Halfway There!

We’re on the downhill! Finally, after 131 long, long days, we are now on the backside of this deployment and the end is somewhat in sight. I mean, it’s still 131 days, but that’s way better than what we have been facing. Our countdown chain is finally somewhat manageable and I might actually be able to string it downstairs instead of keeping it piled up in a garbage bag.

It’s strange to think that in that short (ish) amount of time, B and I will transition from being a two person household to a four person household, first with the arrival of NB and then the return of Daddy! I am grateful that my son is a fairly flexible person (something I think that we have cultivated since his birth – what other 3 month old flies across country twice and moves across country). I think that he will adjust to these changes with relative ease.

My parents will be staying with us for the first two weeks after NB’s arrival and I think that will be crucial to B. My father, Grampy, is the single best person in the whole world to B. Old Grampy can calm the boy in a way that I have never seen. He doesn’t tantrum with him, he just loves him. We will also have some other visitors in the first month, so that should give B some much needed extra attention while Mom is otherwise occupied. Then, Dad comes home, and although I am sure that B will have no idea who he is, I am sure that he will quickly fall into a good relationship with his father.

The only beings I am concerned about having transition problems over the next few months are 3 little kitties and 2 puppies. None of the cats were living with me when I had B, they were all in RI with J, so they have never experience a newborn. Two of the cats have grudgingly accepted the existence of B, they hang out in high locations whenever he is about. One, Nosy Rosie, has really taken to B and loves to sit with him and be petted and even lets him pick her up. Lou, one of the dogs, was with me when B was born and really did a great job with him. I remember him running between the crib and me when they baby started crying. He would constantly check in the stroller when we were out on walks, just to make sure his baby was still there. Lou, I’m not so worried about. Sully, though, may present a problem. Sully is hands down J’s dog and may miss him more than anyone else. I already know he is going to have some jealousy issues. My plan is to get out on a walk every day (weight loss!) to try and help Sully adjust.

So much to think about and plan for! But, at least we are on the downhill!

Christmas Crush

Well, I figured I would take advantage of our brief holiday respite (got home two days ago, in-laws land in a couple of hours) to squeeze a quick blog post in.

I have to say we had a decent vacation. There were some sad feelings about J not being around, but my family did a great job of making it all seem not so bad. They helped with B (I actually got to see a movie!) and I got lots of time to rest and recover. B got more toys than he could ever play with in an entire year and I got some really nice presents as well. Lots of books, flannel sheets, and some time at the spa. Perfect!

Now that we are back, I realized with a great sense of dread...we are 8 weeks to baby. I had been using Christmas as a buffer, just saying, oh, I'll get to that after Christmas. Well, it's after Christmas and we are WAY behind where we were with B. I think that last time, we were just about done by now. This time, I haven't even started yet. Now, don't get me wrong, there isn't a bunch that we have to get. A double stroller, another car seat, and a dresser are all that come to mind (two boys in a row = money saver), but there is a bunch that has to be done. Clothes washed, massive reorganizations, and just mental preparations. Last time, I had a birth plan and doula all sorted out by now. Not this time. There's time, of course, but not much. I have to get my behindy in gear.

But there's more to it that just all the prep work, there's the fact that my little boy needs to get ready for the big shift. As an oldest of four, everything is totally different once the next one comes home. There is a shift to not being the sole spot in Mommy's eye. I'm not sure B is ready for that. Since it is just me and him right now, he gets my attention full time. He and I are a team, we are surviving this deployment together and now I feel like I am going to ruin that in some ways for him. I know I need to get extra cuddle, play, and love time in with him, because no matter what, it will never be like this again. And, in some ways, I don't want to lose that great connection that we have, which we may not, but still, I am a little worried. But, how do you explain to a 19 month old to prepare himself?

Oh well, questions for another day I guess. I have to get ready for the in-laws so I can put this off for a little longer, right?

Captain Itchy Pants

I hate to type these words, but I’m starting to feel a little itchy. It isn’t terrible yet, but it’s there. And after what happened last time, I am SUPER sensitive to itching.

During my last pregnancy, I developed a very uncommon complication, cholestasis, that more or less means that my liver stops functioning in the proper manner. It doesn’t clear bile, which then builds up under the skin and causes severe itchiness (like so bad you can’t sleep for days) and can cause major issues for baby (including stillbirth). So, any indications of itching set me on alert.

Thankfully, my Dr. caught it early last time and my midwife is on alert for it this time. I know the meds I am supposed to take, I know the tricks to help me sleep. But, I am just not looking forward to going through this again. Last time, I was so sleep deprived I felt like a crazy person. Literally, I was afraid I was going insane after not sleeping for three days. I was afraid to drive, I was totally cooped up in the house by myself with the dog (J was in RI), it was horrible.

I can’t be like that this time. I have to take care of B and five pets and manage a house while J is on deployment. I simply don’t have the luxury to go crazy this time. So, I am heading into the OB tomorrow for my first itching visit. I am going to start the meds immediately and hopefully be able to take something to help me sleep somewhat regularly. But, at the same time, I am steeling myself for the possibility that I am just going to have to put on my big girl panties and gut through the next 10 weeks. Anybody can do anything for ten weeks, right?

Emerging from the mist of Illness

Today, I can safely say that B and I have survived his first serious health issue without Dad around. On Monday, the nanny called that B had a 104 degree fever that wasn’t going down at all with Tylenol. So, we headed into the Dr office expecting to get a diagnoses of virus and came out with a chest xray, numerous medications and a pneumonia riddled little boy. B was very sick. His little boy was so hot, I could feel the heat radiating through his clothing. He didn’t want to do anything but be held. Upon sight, I could tell that something was wrong with my little boy. Needless to say, I was very, very worried.

We had a couple of sleepless nights and challenging days, but I think that B is starting come out the other side of the illness. He still hasn’t regained his appetite (even chicken nuggets and tater tots didn’t tempt him), but no fever for almost 12 hours and an increased energy level is a big win in my book.

I learned a couple of things in the experience. One, not being the TRICARE person makes it really hard to get registered at the hospital (where he had his x-rays done) and to fill prescriptions. I had to explain that he was under my husband’s TRICARE, that he was on deployment, and that I knew his social security number numerous times. I totally understand why this is challenging to the medical community, most people have insurance cards and the like, but it was very frustrating to keep battling to get my boy what he needed. Two, being single parent to a really sick kid is VERY hard. During the first two days, B wanted nothing but to be snuggled with on the couch. I could not be out of arms reach. This made simple things like going to the bathroom near impossible. Also, giving an 18 month old nasty tasting medicine was a straight up battle. Long story short, it involved a headlock, very angry baby and very frazzled mommy. Third, it’s really hard to be the dad who has to hear his child is so sick and there is nothing that he can do. I felt so bad for J. He was so worried and frustrated that he couldn’t be there. He called and emailed constantly wanting updates. You could hear in his voice that he wanted to be able to help.

It was a couple of tough days, but we made it. I have to applaud every single parent out there who does this all the time and all the other military parents who have even worse issues that they have to deal with on their own. You miss your partner every single day they are gone, but on days like these you realize how much you rely on them and how much a part of your life that they are.

Vacation Recovery

After a 1.5 week vacation, B and I are back at home and getting into the swing of the holidays. We really enjoyed our time off, B learned to say "No" (oh the joys), I was able to spend some time on my own, and we jointly commiserated on the missing of J (probably me more than him). We made a quick trip down to Disney World to visit my grandparents and aunts, and then headed back up to NC to spend the actual holiday and a couple of extra days with my parents and family. It was busy, but very nice. Just having help with B is always welcome, as my mobility level continues to decline, anytime I don't have to bathe or dress him is a win.

Once we came home to three very unhappy kitties, we got right back into the business of daily life. Bedtime was back in effect and rules about table manners and eating selections were once again enforced. We also got the inside of the house decorated (outside has to wait until the weekend when my parents come to visit). We have our tree up (somewhat of a challenge) and if all the ornaments make it to the New Year, I will be shocked. There has been a 3 foot invisible fence enforced for B and the pups, but our little jungle kitties LOVE to spend time playing under the tree. I know that it's only a matter of time, sigh.

We are hosting a work get together here in a few days with lots of little children attending, which should be a lot of fun for B. This will be his first time having other kiddies on his home turf. Then, we have Christmas pictures and appointments galore coming up in the next couple of weeks. And, then, in just a few short weeks, we will once again be on vacation for the Christmas holiday.

As you can see, I am filling up as much time as I can to make sure we don't sit around and mope for what is missing. I have to admit Thanksgiving was tough. Not only that J wasn't there, but also that my Grandmother was missing as well. There just seems to be a damper this year and I can't quit seem to shake it. However, this is B's first real Christmas and his last as an only child, so I feel it's important to make a good one. So, I'll just have to pull up my Big Girl panties and shake out of this funk and into the Christmas spirit!