Kid Count

So, I have always been confident that I wanted 4 kids. I’m the oldest of four children and I absolutely loved growing up with siblings. When I held T in my arms for the first time, I knew that he wasn’t my last baby. Even in the most challenging of times, I have never wavered in my desire.

Until yesterday. Let me set the stage…B is a poop smearer. When left to his own devices, he will, on occasion (I think this was the 4th time) go into his diaper and “paint.” It is truly one of the most disgusting things in the whole world. It smells, it makes me gag, it’s the worst. This was on top of a challenging morning that included at 5 hour round trip to our next duty station to complete some daycare paperwork where both children screamed the whole way. On top of not sleeping the night before because I am just super wound up due to all the upcoming changes and missing my husband.

So, when I woke from my 15 minute (15 minutes!) nap to find the damage that had occurred in that short time. I lost my sh!t. Completely and totally, I cried, I yelled, I broke down. And I thought to myself, I don’t want anymore children. I don’t even want the ones I have.

Now, I, of course, gathered myself, gave B a shower (a cold one is what the ped has recommended to break this behavior), and cleaned up the bedroom. But, I still didn’t even want to look at B, let alone creating another one to make things worse. After I got everyone to bed, I sat and thought and while I still want 4 kids, I don’t want to have anymore until I can count on J being home more, which is a while off. But more than that, I need to cut myself a break. I push and push and push and don’t rest because pushing makes the time go by faster, but I’m just asking myself for too much.

In the end, I just have to remind myself that it’s 80 days and that I just sometimes have to say no and take a break (but duct tapping B into his clothes first  ).

Moving into a New House

Well, as I have mentioned before, we are accustomed to moving. In our 5 years together, my hubs and I have moved over 5 times, sometimes together, sometimes not. Prior to this move, we thought we had gotten pretty good at moving. We could generally unpack all the boxes and get everything set up in just a few days. Our house would be up and running in no time at all.

Not this time. We have been in the house for over a week and there are still unopened boxes, furniture isn't in the right rooms and there is nothing on the walls. Part of it is that this is the first house that we have owned. We aren't quite sure how to get everything into a house that we will actually be in for more than just a year or two. We want to get everything set up just so because we have to live with it for a lot longer.

But, the biggest reason is the boy. Usually we worked for many hours straight getting everything together. Not this time. I am lucky to get a couple of hours a day when B is napping to get things organized. I know that this isn't a big deal. I know that there is no time table when babies are involved and that I have to just take what I can and move on. However, it is getting very tiresome every time I have to try and figure out where things might be packed away and stepping over boxes all the time.

With the nanny starting tomorrow, I feel especially bad that she will have to dig through this mess that my house is. I know that everyone is understanding about these things, but still, it's just a little embarrassing. Ah well, enough break, back to unpacking.