The Wonders of a 96

I am back at work today after enjoying the ever elusive 96 hour liberty. 72 hours, pretty common, but 96 (4 whole days of no leave required time off) is pretty rare. Now, I know the reason we got it is because we worked like dogs for 10 days straight, but still, it felt a little like stealing. It was glorious!

I really enjoyed spending the time with B. Since I had been working so much, I felt like he was not getting enough parenting time and was having some serious mommy guilt. No more! 4 solid days of Mommy and Me time has left me completely exhausted, but in a really good way. Now, I spend every night and weekend with him, so it's not like I don't spend time with my child, but 4 straight days all by myself is something I haven't done in a while.

B has really changed a lot lately and I didn't really notice until this time off. He plays with his toys a lot more. Before, he would thrown them or chew on them, but now he actually plays in a "normal" way. He stacks blocks, pushes his cars, sends the cars through the car wash toy, bounces balls. Now, he still has his Godzilla moments where all must be crushed and destroyed, but I really saw a change in the way that he spends his time. I also noticed that B has a solid understanding of the processes at our house. He knows and likes to help unload the dishwasher, he helps feed the dogs, he understands that keys go into door knobs. It was interesting to see just how much he caught on to how things work just by watching. On a more concerning point, my son doesn't talk. He says a lot, but none of it is words. He says Ball as Ba, Dog is Do, Shoes are Sh. At 18 months, I really expected that he would be saying atleast a couple of things. We have Dr. visit this week, so I intend on bringing this up when we head in.

I really appreciated the time that I got with him. I got to see him in a way that my busy life hadn't allowed me to lately. I was super proud of what a helpful boy he is turning into. It also made me really sad for J. If I was missing this much just by being busy at work for a couple of weeks, what was the 9 months missed going to be to him. We received our first DVD of J reading to B last week and we have watched it over and over, but I can tell that B is quickly losing his memory of his father, which is absolutely heart breaking. But, through pictures and videos we are trying to keep him as up to date as possible.

Now, as we hurdle into the holiday season, I know that I will be spending a lot of time with B and I want to make sure to not only cherish every moment with my only boy (very, very soon to change - I feel totally unprepared), but to get as much of it captured as possible for my wonderful hubs.

Exercise Time!

The week of insanity has begun! So, at work, for the next 10 days, we are conducting a huge exercise. A massive, coast to coast exercise. And, for me, that means working an insane amount for the next ten days. It's shaping up to be something like 120+ hours in ten days. 12 hour shifts (that are really more like 14), only 1 break day, it's gonna be tough for a couple of different reasons.

One, B. With J sailing the high seas, the nanny and my loving family are really stepping up. I am super, super lucky that I have these options (even if we certainly pay for them). Our nanny is nothing short of a saint, she is flexible and willing to help out when I need it. And, thankfully, my father will be coming up to watch B over the weekend. While I am confident that B will be well cared for while I am toiling away, I sure am going to miss him. I will be leaving in the morning before he gets up and getting home after he goes to sleep. It's really tough to be the only parent and then to not be available. Mommy guilt, much?

Two, pregnancy. I have mentioned already that I have not really had the resurgence of energy that I experienced in the second trimester of my first pregnancy. This time, I feel beat down pretty much all the time. I feel like I drag through my days and have zero energy by the time that I get home from a normal work day, so the prospect of these long days just isn't appealing. Plus, there is the simple fact that there is a lot of planning that goes into working that long and with pregnancy that is double. I'm not going to lie, I eat a lot when pregnant (and not pregnant), so I need to have enough food to sustain me for that period when I come in in the morning.

Three, that's just a lot of work! No matter how you slice it, that's a lot of work. And, it's not easy work, it is challenging, brain bending work. You have to be able to think on your feet and react to what happens in a super short period of time. And, being a LT in a room full of CDRs and CAPTs, there is some pressure to not be a dummy (even though they a lot of times sound like dummies).

So, I have to admit, I am a little bit stressed out. I have tried my hardest to prep the house (BTW we have painters there this week) and make sure that B is prepped. He has food, diapers, clean clothes, all the stuff he needs to make it a week without mom. I slept as much as I could over the weekend to get myself physically rested. Even still, I can't shake that feeling that this week is going to be hell.

2 months down, 6 to go!

We have survived 2 months! It's a super bummer that we still have over 6 to go, but still, one step at a time.

B and I (mostly I) have adopted the fill the time with as much stuff as possible, so it doesn't seem to go so slow. We have undertaken a new home improvement project (painting several rooms), visited with friends, taken trips, and hit up museums. All of these things have done a great job of filling our idle time so it doesn't feel so empty. I can't think of a weekend over the past two months where we didn't have something going on.

But, here's the rub, I am exhausted! This pregnancy has wiped me out far, far more than the first one. I remember when pregnant with B, around 14 weeks I had a huge surge in energy. Not so this time. I have struggled to make it through the day almost every single day. I keep hoping that my energy will return, but so far, no luck.

So, I know that I need to slow down and take a few days to recover, but I don't want to. I don't want to stop and have to think about all that we are missing. I don't want to think about how sad it is that B doesn't get to see his Daddy and I don't get to have my great hubs around with me. So, what's a girl to do? Slow down and remember just how darn sad we are or run, run, run and be super tired? Hopefully there will be some balance that emerges, heck, we have 6 more months to figure it out.

You've Got Mail

As we creep by two months of deployment, I have noticed myself slipping into a bad habit...the email waiting game. I find myself gettin frustrated with the hubs when he doesn't meet my expectations of how often is often enough.

I feel that I take the time everyday to write an email about what is happening around the house, with NB, with B and the pets and that the same from him isn't asking that much (it's not, really). But, J isn't on the same timeline, in fact, he isn't even close. He routinely goes 2 to 3 days without an email home, which frustrates me to no end. I know that he is working his tail off, I know that he is lonely and doesn't want to send the same emails again and again.

BUT, what about me? I can't really say how frustrated I am because I know the situation that he is in and making him feel worse won't accomplish anything, so I sit and stew and check my email a hundred times a day. I feel like I am really trying to stay connected to him, but he isn't giving the same courtesy to us. And then, in my crazy head, it spirals into him not missing us. As you can see, this train goes downhill fast.

I know J misses us and I know that he loves us. I know these things without doubt, but given the empty space of no emails, well, you know what they say about idle hands. I think what frustrates me most of all, is that I have to keep all this frustration and worry all pent up inside me because it isn't fair to unload my crazy on J. He's got plenty of that going on without me.

So what to do? I can keep checking my email like a crazy person (I just did again, I can't be stopped), but I know that I can't write a nasty gram (yet - 5 days, my story will change). Holding down the fort just got a whole lot harder.

Vacationing with the In-Laws

Since B's arrival, we have been spending a great deal more time with J's family. Before B, we would visit once a year for a couple of days, maybe twice, and that's all the face to face interaction that we would have with the in-laws. After B, we see them about every 2 months for at least 4 or 5 days each visit. They visit us, we visit them, it hasn't been so bad.

We took a vacation with them last week and it became so bad. I am not going to go through a laundry list of all the things that went wrong and I fully admit that my pregnant and hot state played a large part in my frustration, but I can promise you this, I will not take on a vacation with my in-laws without J again. I don't care what happens, I won't do it. I'm not even sure I would vacation with them with J present. (BTW, when I related what happened to J, he was giddy that this meant he wouldn't have to vacation with them.

I think the biggest difference between this time and all the previous times is that when J was present, I could escape. I wasn't soley responsible (whether real or imagined) for their entertainment. I purposely schedule hair cuts, lunches with friends, or a date night with J when they visit us. When we visit them, we visit with J's friends or take trips out in town. No escape this time. It was all in-law, all the time.

Let me say, my in-laws are very nice people. They aren't mean to me, they don't question my parenting, they love our son. In fact, under most circumstances, I would say that I am very lucky to have the in-laws that I do. They don't interfere in our lives in the slightest and are always very supportive of us. The problem with this situation is that we are just VERY different people. We don't really like the same things, we have very different schedules, and sometimes clashing personalities. So, it makes it challenging.

So, unfortunately, the 4 day vacation that was supposed to be relaxing and fun, ended up being stressful and grating. For both me and the in-laws. And now I need another vacation (which from afar, J has already promised, let's see if that promise holds true)!

Prior Planning Prevents...wait, what?

As I close in on my halfway point of this pregnancy (just 3 weeks to go), I started thinking about all the things that I need to get ready for. Another baby means a lot more planning. It doesn't feel like double, it feels like exponential. B and I have settled into a sort of truce. He does the things that I want him too and I give him the time he needs to run it out. However, this truce will be unsettled when there is another being in the equation that needs as much time as he does (probably sometimes more).

There are somethings I am totally dreading. As it stands right now, I can generally make dinner, go to the bathroom, and take a shower with my little helper. Sure sometimes this means having the child in the shower with me (creepy, I know, but sometimes I just can't wait until naptime) or that B pulls every single pot and pan we own out of the lower cabinents (installing child locks has defeated me, it's a man job and my man is too far away), but we do okay. Now, not only will I have this madness, I will have a whole new addition of madness injected into my daily routines.

Don't get me wrong, we are super excited about NB (new baby, November Bravo, a little Navy humor) and absolutely cannot wait for the craziness that will ensue. But, I feel a little more cautious this time. Perhaps it is experience, after only 16 months, I have learned parenthood is hard, all day, every day, it's a big shift. Perhaps it is just exhaustion, the boy literally runs from morning until night, add in pregnancy and you get one tired mommy. Or perhaps it's just nerves, like I said, B and I have our truce, we get along great, we enjoy our days and I really don't want anything to change that. How do I find the time for two little bodies when the one I have takes up some much of it?

Whatever it is, I'll admit it. I'm concerned and just the tiny bit scared. We are going to have to make it through the first two months of NB's life on our own. J won't be back in time for the birth. So however we work it out, it'll just be mommy and two little ones. To say I am feeling outmatched would be a serious understatement. But, we'll do it. J was only around for the first couple of days of B's life before he had to fly back to RI and me and B made it through that. So we can do this, it just means that Mom has to be on her game and prepared at all times. Too bad I'm just so tired....

Water Logged

Man, it rained here like it has never rained before. We basically just had 3 days of solid rain. There were times that it sounded like someone had turned a hose on top of the house. It was like that scene from Forest Gump in the jungle, the rain came every style and direction and it just kept coming.

Thankfully, the house fared fine. No trees down, no leaks inside the house, we can't complain. However, the backyard may never be the same again. The dogs almost had to swim to get out to go to the bathroom, there was a solid inch of standing water back there. The worst part of this was that they brought as much as possible back in with them and then shook it all over the house. Miserable, just miserable. For the past couple of mornings, as soon as I would let them in, I would be coated in water, a great way to start the day!

Even B seems a little beaten down by the weather. He and the nanny haven't been making their usual trips to the library and the park this week. He has an interesting mix of extra energy and sleepiness. The rain noises appear to be so soothing that all he wants to do is rest, but then he will have an incredible burst of silliness that makes him run around like crazy.

There is supposed to be a little break in the weather for the next couple of days. And it is finally supposed to cool off! Hooray, no more 80 degree days. I am ready for a little fall weather (but sunny)!